Mistakes
by debbydo0dles45
Summary: After Glen marries Jessica, Paige tries to find her way without her best friend. Sister-bonding included!
1. Chapter 1

Paige watched as Glen hugged Jessica, and her heart felt like it was being ripped straight out of her chest. She had been hurt so many times before, you would think by now she would have a thicker skin.

Slowly, she turned and walked away, consumed by nausea. It took a lot for her to resist keeling over and vomiting right in the middle of the park. How could this have happened?

As she got to the gate, her whole body was urging her to turn back around run into Glen's arms, preferably throwing Jessica into the pond as she did so. But she couldn't, could she? Glen had made it clear that he had chosen. It was just hard for Paige to accept that he had chosen against her.

She started her car, but couldn't make herself move. What was she going to do? She had lost her best friend, and it was hitting her hard.

She felt herself start sobbing, her whole body racking with emotion. Glen had always been there for her. What was she supposed to do without him?

He had been the one to fight off the only boys from bothering her during recess, he had been the one to help her with her math homework, he had been to one to come play at her house, when none of the other kids would. He was a fixture of her childhood.

He was also her first kiss, her first time, her first love. He was her everything and it was hard for her to see past that.

Glen had promised her adventures. "We're going to climb Mount Everest together Noogie" using his exclusive nickname for her. "We're going to take over the world!"

And she had believed him, because Glen was always right. Always had been.

They of course, didn't take over the world. They didn't get married like they always thought they would either. "Three kids Noogie, so they'll have siblings like we don't"

Maybe he grew to hate her because of her sisters. Maybe he felt pushed aside, because she rarely called him, rarely emailed him. Come to think of it, they had hardly spoken since she moved in with her sisters and it was all of her fault.

Realizing that she had been sitting and crying for a while, Paige realized she better try and get home before she became so distraught she couldn't operate her car or herself for that matter.

As she wiped the mascara trails from her pale cheeks, she felt her hands shake. She was completely a mess. Still, she put the green Beatle into drive and headed home.

Driving down the highway, she couldn't help but feel like killing herself. The thought hadn't crossed her mind in a few years, but losing Glen was enough to reopen old scars.

_Just get home to your sisters_, she kept reminding herself. _They'll know what to do, they'll protect you._

Although, her doubt reminded her, when she had first showed Piper the invitation and had come into the house flipping out, all Piper could do was yell at her to pick it up off the floor.

"Hey pick that up" Paige mimicked to herself as she pulled into the manor "What? You're having a problem? I'm too busy to care or notice"

Paige sighed and shook her head before exiting the car. She knew Piper wasn't under the spell yet when she had done that, but she really needed her sister now and causing a fight wouldn't make her any more allies.

Still, she couldn't help but feel like her sisters never spoke to her about anything. Her possession had been the most emotionally trying, and she was hurt that neither of her big sisters seemed to realize what was going on.

Climbing the steps to the manor, and entering she decided she would be the first to start conversation and to open up to her sister, which she rarely did. She knew Phoebe would be at work, but Piper had been a great support in the Phoebe-Cole fiasco, and she hoped Piper could prove equally supportive now.

"Piper?" she called out tossing her purse on the love seat "Pipe, are you home?"

There was no answer, so assuming Piper was at P3 she headed up to her room where she could be alone and cry some more. Maybe if she moped long enough, one of her sisters would find her and talk to her.

But when she opened the door to her room, Piper was in there, making the bed around her swollen pregnant belly, and straightening up what had been an incredible mess when Paige left.

"Piper?" Paige asked her nose wrinkling. "Did you lose something? Like your mind again?"

Piper laughed. "Oh hi Paigey. No, I didn't lose something you little smartass; I was just helping you keep your room clean since you seem to have trouble doing that yourself"

Paige pouted "I'm just eccentric."

Piper came over to Paige and kissed her head. "I know sweetie, but all eccentrics need a big sister to keep them in line."

Paige just nodded "Well thanks. I guess I'll try to be neater in the future." _It's just another thing I have to add to my list of why I suck_ she added mentally.

Piper, in a way she imagined Prue had with Phoebe, picked up on Paige's emotions which indicated she had something bothering her.

"Missy Paige" Piper started looking at her sister's delicate face, pink from the March cold. "Is everything okay?"

Paige shook her head no "No, no. I-just-I-don't know. I really need to talk to you."

Piper, both surprised and pleased at Paige's admittance for help nodded. "Alright. I'll go make us some hot cocoa and we'll-"

Piper was cut off by the ringing of her own cell phone "Ooh. It's the club. I'm sorry Paige I've got to take this. We'll talk tonight after P3. I promise."

"Kay" Paige said quietly as Piper shuffled out of her bedroom, jabbering on the phone to whoever. Paige was willing to bet Piper wouldn't have chosen the club over Phoebe.

Not knowing what else to do, Paige turned over onto her pillow and cried. She cried because of Glen, because of her pathetic life, and because she still wasn't sure whether her sisters really loved her or not.


	2. Chapter 2

Paige drifted out of sleep to the familiar feel of a hand running through her hair. She blinked to see Phoebe leaning above her, gently providing a comfort she didn't know Paige needed.

"Hey sleepy." Phoebe said smiling at Paige who looked like a disaster with her makeup all smudged and her face blotchy

"Ugh. Don't look at me when I look like this" Paige groaned stuffing her head beneath her pillows

Phoebe laughed and pulled Paige up. "C'mon sis. We're going to the club tonight. You gotta get ready."

Paige sighed and Phoebe looked straight into her eyes, which Paige should've known to work harder to avoid.

Phoebe gave Paige a sad smile. "Why've ya been crying Paigey?"

Paige bit her lip and turned away. "I wasn't. I'm not. I'm fine." She jumped up and went to close her window "Allergies, you know."

Phoebe nodded and decided not to press the issue. Paige never cried. If there was something wrong, she and Piper would know. It would be obvious.

"Okay good. Get ready squirt. Dinner will be out in 10." Phoebe called as she exited Paige's bedroom.

Paige sat openmouthed as she watched Phoebe's figure leave. Normally she would've shouted a witty comeback. "I'm not a squirt!" for fun and laughs and catching up on childhood memories missed. Today, she just murmured a soft

"Kay."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Paige made herself what she used to consider gorgeous and walked down the stairs, unable to disguise the lack of pep in her gait. She dragged herself into the dining room and plunked down in her designated seat, her head in her hands, elbows rested on the table.

Phoebe, sitting across from her, just kind of stared with a puzzled look on her face.

Paige, overbearing sadness turning itself into some sort of anger scowled and lifted her head up "What?"

Phoebe surprised at Paige's snap shrugged. "Nothing. You just aren't acting like yourself."

Paige just shook her head and lay it back in her hands.

Piper walked in with the pasta she prepared and placed it on the table. The two eldest sisters helped themselves, but Paige just stayed in her same melancholy position.

Piper looked at Phoebe who shrugged again and then to Paige who seemed sadder than she did when she came home.

"Paige sweetie, are you feeling okay?" Piper asked gently trying not to agitate her baby sister

Paige nodded in a way that was not at all convincing. "Uh huh." She murmured, but did not make an effort to lift her head up. She couldn't deal with her sisters right now.

"Then why don't you eat something? You'll be hungry later if you don't" Piper prodded, attempting to get her sister into better spirits. She probably just had a headache from not eating all day. She knew her sister to skip meals.

"No thank you" Paige sighed letting her elbows slip and her head drop with them.

"Have you eaten anything today? " Piper pressed, her big sister needing to know exactly what was bothering the youngest

Paige didn't make an effort to answer at all this time. What were her sisters going to do? She never had to talk again if she didn't want to.

"Paige? Paige!" Piper continued getting angry, but to no avail

"Maybe she's sick" suggested Phoebe "She napped today, and you know she never naps."

Piper softened "Is that it honey? Does your tummy hurt?"

Paige snapped her head up for a brief moment "No Piper my _tummy_ does not hurt. I'm just not in the mood to eat okay? Leave me alone."

"Okaay" Piper sing-songed "Someone is definitely not feeling well. After dinner Paige, you're going to bed. I'm not letting you go to the club."

Paige didn't argue. "Whatever. I'm not sick. I have my own car. I'll go by myself."

Piper didn't have a chance to respond because Paige got up and stormed to the living room. She didn't realize before how readily she would take her anger at Glen out on her sisters. It felt kind of good. Let them deal with her.

But then again, if she went with her sisters to P3, she'd have access to lots of free alcohol. She could use a couple of drinks. And if she fell back into old habits? Well, that was tomorrow's problem.

Paige turned around at the door and realized Piper and Phoebe had followed her. Running her hand through her hair and looking at her sisters she sighed. " I'm sorry guys, I guess I just have to blow off a little steam."

Piper nodded remembering her encounter with Paige earlier that day, and put her arm around her little sister's back, rubbing it reassuringly. "Sure honey, we understand. Let's go to the club and you can relax."


	3. Chapter 3

Paige approached the bar awkwardly, like an old friend she no longer knew what to say too. She breathed in deeply and let the air out through teeth cinched in a smile. Confidence was key.

"Hey Cody" she greeted Piper's new bartender over the pounding music "What does it take to get some Smirnoff around here?"

Cody smiled and dug into the refrigerator to get Paige her drink of choice, until he remembered Piper telling him specifically that he was never to serve her baby sister anything alcoholic.

"You of age?" he questioned looking at Paige with one eyebrow arched

"Yeah…." Paige said meeting his gaze and arching her eyebrow right back

"I dunno kid, Piper said never to give you anything and I don't want to get fired." Cody said placing the bottle on the counter and wiping his hands.

"That's just Piper being overprotective" Paige laughed "Doesn't want her baby sister to grow up."

Before Cody could even register what happened, Paige picked up the entire bottle, meant for several people, and walked away, flashing Cody a smile as she got lost in the crowd, and found herself some peace.

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Paige woke up, head pounding, but surprisingly lying somewhere comfortable. She sat up, eyes still closed and moaned, cradling her head in her hands.

"Look Piper, she's up" Phoebe said, clearly relieved as she moved over to Paige lying on Piper's bed.

"Paige, honey?"

"Go'way Pheebee. I dun need you or Pipurr." Paige said swatting at her older sister's hand, which was on her back

"She's still drunk" Piper commented, her anger evident in her tone "Paige, do you have any idea how much you scared us? I can't watch your every move. You damn well know that you're an alcoholic."

"Stop" Paige moaned, drawing her knees up and beginning to rock back and forth "I'm not, I'm not, you have to believe me."

Piper stepped in front of Paige and began shaking her by the shoulders "Look at me Paige. Look at me! How dare you come into my club, coerce the bartender into giving you alcohol, and then pass out in the alleyway out back. How could you let this happen to yourself ?"

Paige looked up at Piper defiantly, as Phoebe took a step back from the escalating situation that she would somehow have to mediate.

"She's right Paige." Phoebe decided to agree with her older sister, knowing that a united front would be the best way to get Paige to talk. "What's going on with you? What aren't you telling us?"

Paige met her two sisters with bloodshot eyes and a scratched face. "It's all your fault!' she cried jumping up and standing in front of Piper, who tried to pull her into a comforting hug.

"It's all your fault he hates me now and he never wants to see me again because you guys took me away from him." Paige yelled, as she began to punch Piper's embrace. "I wish I never found out I had sisters. You ruined my life."

Beating her eldest sister aimlessly with her fists, and sobbing at the same time, she finally broke down and buried her face in Piper's shoulder. Phoebe moved over to join in the hug, though both sisters were shocked by Paige's words.

Just as Phoebe and Piper thought that Paige had given up her fight, the youngest whispered, still in Piper's arms:

"I'm sorry" and she orbed away, drunk and vulnerable.


	4. Chapter 4

Paige felt a warm sea breeze on her face and the embrace of sun , her favorite way to wake up. Her head surprisingly didn't hurt, and she wasn't nauseous, even though she was pretty sure by the fuzziness of the previous night's events that she should've been hung over.

She looked at the unfamiliar bed she was sleeping in, the white cotton linens and windows swung open to let the ocean in. She gasped. This place was only supposed to be real in her dreams.

"Morning sunshine" she heard an unfamiliar voice chirp, and she promptly turned in it's direction.

Paige gasped and jumped out of bed, moving away from the figure. "You're not supposed to be here."

Prue smiled at her baby sister's shock "Not happy to see me baby sis?"

Paige's mouth still hung wide open "Prue?"

"Clearly, but don't get your hopes up. I'm not the all forgiving, all loving big sister you dream about."

Paige's face turned beet red. Her secret belief that Prue, her oldest sister, would love her and accept her as herself was private. Emphasis on the was.

Prue seeing Paige's discomfort moved in front of her and tucked a loose hair behind her ear. "I'd like to think I come close though" she smiled and pulled Paige into a hug, which she didn't fight.

"How are you here? Where is here? Why am I even here?" Paige questioned, overwhelmed as she ran a hand through her hair.

Prue led her sister over to a small kitchen area and sat her down at a table. "We'll sort this out over breakfast."

Paige sat down at the table, and watched her eldest sister fix her a bagel. She still found it hard to believe she was in the same room as her eldest sister, on a random island somewhere.

Prue set breakfast down in front of Paige and went to sit across from her. "Eat and I'll try and explain."

Paige nodded and took a bite of the bagel, raising her eyebrows at Prue in anticipation.

Prue laughed. "Okay, I get the point. Well let's see…so, remember how you decided to run away when our sisters were only trying to help you?"

Paige nodded and hung her head a little, feeling like a little kid

"You were drunk and disoriented so you orbed right into the path of a darklighter who proceeded to shoot you."

Paige coughed, choking on a piece of her bagel "Oh no, am I dead?"

Prue frowned "Not yet, but you are in trouble missy."

Paige sighed "So what is this place?"

"It's kind of like a limbo type place. Your body is in a coma, so I can visit you here."

"Well, that's one positive to all of this."

"What?"

"I get to meet my big sister" Paige smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

When Phoebe found Paige's body in the street, she thought she was dreaming.

After Paige orbed away, Piper flew into a fit of rage and blew up several of her throw pillows. She could not believe Paige had done this. It was so immature, so irresponsible, so _Paige. _

Phoebe had been the one to shake her back into reality. This was their baby sister, and obviously something was very wrong. She had to call Leo, and he took them to P3.

Paige's body lay out back, darklighter arrow still pumping poison into her system.

"Leo! Leo!" Phoebe heard her voice call frantically, but she felt like she was floating.

Piper heard her sister's screams and ran with her husband, from inside the club where they too had been searching for Paige.

"Oh my god! Paige!" Piper cried and bent over her sister's body, extracting the arrow that was killing her.

Leo saw how gray Paige's skin was, as if all of the blood had been drained from her body. He placed his hands over her heart and healed her.

But it wasn't working. He could sense that the poison was no longer in her system and that her wound was healed. However, Paige was not waking up.

"Why isn't she waking up?" Phoebe cried "What's wrong?"

Piper too was alarmed, and gave her husband a death stare "Leo…"

Leo shook his head "It's not me it's her. She's in a coma, but she doesn't want to wake up."

"Doesn't want to wake up? Why?" Piper's hissed shrilly.

Leo shrugged "She obviously has some inner demons she needs to fight. It can't hurt her, unless she stays inside herself too long."

"And what if she never wakes up?" Phoebe questioned, not about to settle for a vegetable as a sister

"She will" Leo said "She won't leave you guys."

Piper groaned, but accepted the situation for now "So what do we do with her? Call 911?"

"Let's just bring her home." Phoebe replied "We'll put her in her bed and just wait."

"When she comes out of this she's dead meat" Piper swore as she helped lift her sister's dead weight up.

With Paige's limp body over Leo's shoulder, they orbed back to the manor.


	6. Chapter 6

In the late afternoon sun, Paige lay with her head in her oldest sister's lap as Prue played with her hair. She felt unusually close to Prue, almost as if they had known each other forever.

"Why can't it be like this with Piper and Phoebe?" Paige sighed, speaking her thoughts out loud.

Prue looked down into her youngest sister's eyes, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

Paige frowned "They would never do this with me. They don't understand me."

Prue mimicked Paige's frown. She hadn't realized that her younger sisters weren't treating Paige like she would have. Her death must have been extremely painful for them, but that was over a year ago. Now Paige had a lot of pain of her own that she needed to express.

"Paigey, you can talk to me. You can tell me what's bothering you."

"No I can't Prue. I know I'm in a coma now, but I'll come out of it sometime. All Leo needs to do is heal me and then I'll have to leave you forever. I'll be alone."

Prue watched Paige's chin quiver. "You have Piper and Phoebe."

"No, I don't. Piper's going to have her baby soon, Phoebe's this like fabulous career woman and I'm Ms. Useless. Besides, I lost everything because of them." Paige raged, angry tears spilling over.

"What do you mean you lost everything?" Prue asked. She thought Paige, especially after having been orphaned would only see her new family as a blessing.

"Piper and Phoebe don't even love me. The only person that loved me that was alive hates me now because of magic. Magic took me away from him. You guys took me away from him!" Paige screamed letting all of her emotions out.

Prue understood her little sister's feelings, but didn't know who she was talking about. Guiding her baby sister into a tight embrace, that she didn't fight she decided to get to the bottom of her baby sister's issues that led to the events that brought her here.

"I miss Glen" Paige sobbed into Prue's shoulder "He was my only family. I can't live without him."

"Paigey" Prue tried "We're your sisters. We're your family too."

Paige looked Prue in the eyes, pain and rejection glittering persistently. "As far as I'm concerned, you are the only sister I have. And when I go back to my body, when my soul leaves this plane, you're just going to be dead like the rest of them."

Paige settled back into Prue's embrace, not willing to talk any further. Prue, in a way that was very much contrary to her personality, allowed her baby sister to win and her hurtful words to resonate. It was going to take a lot more than a pep talk to bring Paige out of this. Prue had not been prepared for such intensity. She thought that this time would have been a pleasant bonding experience. Now, it meant she was going to have to save her baby sister and the power of 3.


	7. Chapter 7

At the manor, Piper and Phoebe watched Paige sleep. They were in Piper's room because it was much bigger and would provide so much of a better place to keep vigil.

Phoebe was biting her nails, which she did only when she was extremely nervous. Paige looked dead. What if she never pulled out of this? What if Leo was wrong?

"Piper, we need to do something." She said looking at her sister, brown eyes wide with worry "I can't wait around and watch her like this."

Piper nodded slowly. " I know. But I don't know what we can do. I don't understand why she wants to get away from us so badly."

Phoebe shrugged "Paige is really sensitive, remember? The second she feels anything remotely like abandonment or resentment she flees."

Piper looked at Paige's extremely pale features. She looked so young and vulnerable. Who would want to hurt her?

Suddenly, the events of the last few days came pouring back to her. One name stuck out in her head. "Glen."

Phoebe looked confused "What made you think of him?"

Piper looked sad, then angry "He's the one who abandoned Paige. Remember when she told us she was going to go talk to him? Obviously he didn't forgive her."

Phoebe scowled "He chose that Jessica bitch over her. I can't believe he would do that! No wonder why Paige was acting like that."

Piper took another look at Paige and sorted out her thoughts "She blames Wicca. She blames us."

Phoebe laughed nervously. "That's silly. Why would she?"

"She doesn't feel like herself since she became a witch. Maybe we haven't done enough to include her. Maybe we should have been more sisterly."

Phoebe couldn't believe Piper was blaming them for this "Piper, think rationally. We love her so much. We always show her that."

"What by saving her life? She probably thinks we only think about the power of 3. How often do we tell her we love her?"

Phoebe sighed "I guess not often enough. You don't think this is babyish of her to just run off away from her problems? You're not mad at her for acting like an attention-seeking little kid?"

Piper shrugged " I guess not. Phoebe, it's the attitude like that towards her that makes her act out like this. On the surface yes, it does seem very immature. But deep down, I know what makes her want to run away, and I feel really guilty."

Phoebe cocked her head as she looked at Paige, "So now what should we do?"

"I don't know Pheebs. We really messed up this time. Instead of trying to help her when we knew she was upset that Glen was getting married we just ignored her and thought it was no big deal. I feel really horrible thinking about how alone and lost she must have felt when neither of us even attempted to check up on her."

"Well, when you put it that way Piper, I feel horrible too. I just want to beat this Glen jerk up for hurting our sister like that"

"But even worse than what he did to her, she must feel really stupid for being so in love with him, which by the way she's embarrassed to show us. She doesn't want us to think she is weak and a loser"

"God Piper" Phoebe said running a hand through her hair, exasperated "When is she going to realize that we're not judging her all the time? When is she going to learn to trust us?"

Piper sat down next to Paige's lifeless body and stroked her sister's cold face "Not until we bring her back, that's for sure. I wonder what's keeping her from waking up."

"Beats me, unless she just doesn't want to see us."


	8. Chapter 8

Paige sat indignantly, her arms crossed and face pulled into a pout she could not help. She was watching the water from the deck of the deserted island house that her mind had invented for her in the dead of night. The tide did nothing to ease her anxiety or her fears.

She could tell that Prue was exasperated by her. They had spent just a few short hours together and already her oldest sister was having trouble accepting her emotional baggage. It wasn't like Prue said it out loud or anything, but Paige could tell from the look in her eyes and the way her oldest sister kept _petting_ her that she actually didn't have all the answers and had no power to make her feel better.

So now on top of the stress of her broken friendship with Glen, having sisters who weren't there for her, and being in a coma, she had to deal with not being all Prue hoped she would be. She wasn't easily comforted and she had way too many issues.

_I wouldn't want to be around me either_ Paige thought her frown deepening.

"Paige?"

Paige was startled out of her trance by the voice of her oldest sister that managed to be both familiar and foreign. She wished Prue hadn't come out here. She wished that she could just be alone with her thoughts.

"I was wondering where you were silly" Prue smiled, handing her baby sister a cup of tea and joining her on the patio swing where she had been perched "Any reason why you're up so late?"

Paige didn't answer, just took a long slow sip of her tea and kind of shrugged her shoulders.

"Paige, you know you can talk to me. That's what I'm here for" Prue pressed

Paige turned away from Prue, angry from her revelation before and just pissed off in general about her life "Why should I? I'm just not going to say the right thing and then you are going to hate me too and try to send me back to Piper and Phoebe"

Prue took Paige's tea from her hands and forced her sister to turn around and face her "What are you even talking about? I could never hate you"

Now Prue looked sad, like deeply heartbroken sad. Paige didn't exactly know why, but it was enough to make her feel bad enough that she had to turn her head so Prue wouldn't see the tears that were escaping from her eyes, despite the effort she was putting forth to keep them in and maintain her tough girl exterior.

"Oh Paigey" Prue said cupping Paige's face and wiping away a few of her stray tears, brave enough to break through her shell in a way her other sisters had failed too.

Paige watched Prue with a confused look on her tear-stained face as the oldest got up and disappeared into the house momentarily. When she returned, she was carrying a blanket with her that would protect them from the night chill that still existed on this dream beach. She draped it over herself and Paige, and then pulled her baby sister towards her so that her head rested on Prue's shoulder.

And Paige broke down. Her eyes released all of the tears she had been holding inside of her since she met her sisters and went into lockdown mode.

"Why don't you tell anyone when you're hurting? Why do you do this to yourself?" Prue questioned as she held Paige close to her in an attempt to shield her from the pains that plagued her life.

Paige struggled to catch her voice and then croaked "Because everyone in my life leaves me. I keep being abandoned over and over again. First by our parents, then by my parents, by everyone who didn't know how to treat me after they died, and now by Glen who promised he would never ever hurt me. And if I ever told Piper of Phoebe, they would think I was weak and then probably abandon me too"

Prue was once again shocked by Paige's words, but understood that she needed to hide this because it would only upset Paige more. She struggled to find the right thing to say but the only thing she could come up with was, "I'm sorry sweetie. I'm so so sorry that you've had to go through this. Nobody should ever have to feel so alone"

"What's wrong with me?" Paige sobbed again unable to control the childish questions about her rejection that shouldn't have still bothered her, but did. "Why doesn't anybody want me?"

Prue rubbed Paige's back reassuringly. "I want. And so do Piper and Phoebe. I know they may not have shown it to you yet, but you have to believe me when I tell you that they most definitely want you in their lives. Not because you are a Charmed One, not because they expect you to be me, but because they love you and everything about you. I'm sure they are worried sick about you right now and when you get back there, you'll see just how much those sisters of ours care"

Paige nodded a little. She didn't think Prue would lie to her and their reactions when Paige returned would be a definite test of her sister's love for her. She still didn't know how to face Glen, how to face the world that seemed to keep bringing her down, but she hoped that if she allowed herself to open up, Piper and Phoebe would help her just like Prue was helping her now.

"Thank you Prue" Paige said softly with a little hiccup caused by her uneven breathing from crying

Prue leaned down and kissed Paige's forehead, still holding one arm around her and grabbing Paige's hand with the other. And the two remained that way, rocking gently back and forth in the swing, connected forever in a way neither of them had ever expected.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning Phoebe woke up to find Paige still comatose but lovingly within Piper's protective embrace. Phoebe knew Piper believed that if she held onto Paige tight enough, the youngest couldn't slip away before her eyes and leave them. Phoebe wanted to believe it too, but could not shake her nervousness that Paige would not willingly come back to them.

She moved in next to Paige on her other side and took her from Piper's arms into her own. She pushed Paige's matted and sweaty red hair away from her face and lifted Paige's body so that her back leaned against Phoebe's shoulder.

"Paige, Paige sweetie" Phoebe whispered gently into Paige's ear "Please come back to us. We know what you are going through and we want to help. We miss you and we need you"

Phoebe looked at Paige's face expectantly, longing for her baby sister to take the gasp of air that would bring her back to this life. But Paige gave no response, stuck in a gap between being asleep and being dead.

"Oh Phoebe"

Phoebe lifted her head up to see Piper giving her a small smile.

"It's going to be okay honey" Piper reassured her little sister, grasping for her hand over the youngest's body "I'm going to make sure it's okay"

Phoebe nodded softly, hugging Paige in her arms. "I'm not ready to lose another sister Piper. I need Paige to know that we love her and are here for her. I want to kill Glen for doing this to her and also kick myself for somehow not letting her know that I love her."

"Me too, Pheebs. Paige is Paige, and we love her for it. Yes she can sometimes be emotional, irrational, crazy, irresponsible, and overall do things that are so entirely frustrating I want to knock some sense into her. But every little quirk, every funny comment, every hug and kiss she lets us have makes up for all of that. She brought our family back together and opened my heart up. She made you a big sister and allowed us to grow in ways we never thought possible. I love her so much it hurts"

"Which is why I feel so crappy right now. Even if Paige doesn't know we know, you and I are both aware of the fact that she has major abandonment issues that she hasn't ever properly worked through. She needs us now more than ever, and as much as I am mad at her for doing this to herself, I am more worried about the reasons behind her drinking and running away"

Piper tucked a piece of hair behind Phoebe's ear "I'm proud of you Pheebs. You are the best new big sister I know"

Phoebe actually blushed, swelling with pride inwardly "Well I try"

Piper took a deep breath and got out of bed, and then moving to bring Phoebe to her feet as well. "C'mon sis. Looking at Paige, it seems like she needs a bit of cleaning up. Maybe the first step of making her feel more comfortable is letting her wake up well cared for and safe"

After getting themselves dressed and showered, they set themselves to the monumental task of helping Paige. They managed to get her into one of her oversized t-shirts and a pair of pajama bottoms in place of the somewhat slutty outfit she worn the night before.

Paige really needed to shower, but Piper and Phoebe wanted to make her feel more comfortable, not invade her privacy. They settled for washing the blood, sweat, and tears off of her face and brushing her hair into a pretty decent ponytail. Paige slept through the whole thing and showed no signs of waking up.

Piper and Phoebe spent the remainder of the day mostly just trying to keep entertained while watching Paige. With no sign of responsiveness from the youngest, the task got old fast.

It wasn't until late in the afternoon that a feeling of dread spread over Piper, like something was about to go very wrong.

"Phoebe, Phoebe!" Piper called at her youngest sister who had dozed off next to Paige.

Phoebe opened her eyes quickly and shot up, on edge because of her own fears about Paige's well-being "What?"

"When people are usually in comas, don't they need to be hooked up to IVs or something? Should we be trying to get liquids into Paige or food even?"

"Well Piper, I don't know. How would we even go about getting anything into her without choking her to death. All of her bodily functions have pretty much stopped, she wouldn't really need to be kept hydrated….Right?"

Piper shrugged, and looked over at Paige. Before either sister could register what was happening, Paige began to convulse.

Phoebe gasped as worried tears rolled down her face "Paige, Paige….Oh my God Piper what are we going to do?

Piper shot Phoebe a terrified look as she began to call for Leo.

Leo orbed in at first surprised at having been called back from his other assignment but then as terrified as the sisters before him.

"What's happening to her Leo?" Piper cried her voice shrill with fear "I thought you said she would be fine"

Leo shook his head "She should have been, this isn't supposed to happen. I can't heal her because she isn't really hurt"

"Can't heal her? Can't heal her?! Leo please do something" Phoebe screamed in a state of panic "Go tell the Elders to get her out of there. We are done with this, it's time for Paige to come home before we lose her forever"

"I'll see what I can do" Leo said meaningfully, orbing out and leaving the sisters to watch Paige shake helplessly.


	10. Chapter 10

Paige awoke feeling safe and protected in a way she hadn't in a long time. At first she was alarmed, having forgotten where she was but looking up she saw her eldest sister, her protector, fast asleep with arms tightly wrapped around Paige.

Paige smiled, and snuggled deeper into Prue's embrace.

Prue awoke though at Paige's movement and looked down at her younger sister, who pretended to be asleep. She was both happy at Paige's acceptance of the love Prue was willingly to give and nervous that her youngest sister would never want to leave having discovered a bond with the eldest neither one expected.

Prue kissed Paige's head and then tried to untangle herself from her. Paige resisted though and clung to Prue.

"Don't go" Paige said looking up at Prue with big eyes and a token pout, tricks that she must have picked up from Phoebe.

Prue laughed and got up anyway. "C'mon Paige you too. We have a lot to talk about and work through today"

"What is this therapy?" Paige groaned, lifting herself up too and following Prue back to the house and seating herself at the table.

"Something like that" Prue laughed setting some food out before Paige and herself that she had conjured.

The two chatted a little bit, the youngest a bit fearful of the trust she placed in Prue and the eldest worried about how she could show Paige the tough love she needed to go home without making her feel abandoned.

Halfway through the meal, Prue noticed Paige begin to daydream. She knew what was happening, so she just intently watched as her little sister got messages that were being sent to her from the real world.

Paige listened as Phoebe begged her to come home and as she and Piper discussed their love for Paige. Paige could not believe what she was hearing, did not want to believe it. If they loved her so much, as much as they were telling each other they did, not because they had to but because it was how they actually felt, then why did they ignore Paige in real life? Why did they keep hurting her?

Paige broke the brief, unexpected connection she had made with the outside world, shaking her head and looking at Prue.

"You okay there squirt? You spaced out for a few minutes" Prue acknowledged, giving Paige the window she was supposed to to share what she had learned.

"Yeah everything's fine. Just thinking about some things" Paige brushed off Prue's concern. She trusted Prue and loved her. She wanted to pour everything out to her oldest sister so she could make the hurt go away and give her the security she craved. But her fears held her back and she could not make herself reveal her most private thoughts to her sister that was also a stranger.

"Paige" Prue pressed looking at her baby sister from across the table, giving her the signature 'Prue means business' look. "You can't go home if we don't talk about things"

"Good then" Paige replied like a stubborn child. "Because actually I don't want to go back to Piper or Phoebe. Ever"

Prue watched in disbelief as Paige stormed off away from her.

"Hey Paige" Prue called after her youngest sister who was acting in ways that were testing her limits.

Paige didn't turn around, she just kept heading outside.

"Don't you dare walk away from me missy" Prue called after her, getting to her feet, ready to follow Paige

"Or what? What are you going to do to me Prue? Show me how you are just like the rest of them?" Paige said turning around, arms indignantly crossed over her chest

"Listen young lady, you have no right to treat me like this. I just want to help you and I have done nothing but love you. I need to understand where you're coming from and I can't do that if you run away from me"

Paige just shrugged, gave a nasty look and stormed off towards the sea shore.

Prue sighed, beginning to understand why her sisters had such trouble getting through to Paige, who was evidently part bratty child who threw a fit every time she didn't get what she wanted, part stubborn Halliwell, and part wounded soul. She both wanted to make Paige realize that people wouldn't run off the second she got emotional and to get her to act in a more calm way. It was draining.

Paige sat on the shore, tossing little pebbles into the ocean before her. She knew she shouldn't have let herself get so upset in front of Prue. Showing her scary true colors, her angry colors made people run away from her. Actually, she didn't even have to do those things to repel the people she wanted to love. There was something about her that was easy to detest, she was sure of it. She could not forget the way Piper treated her at first, as if she was not worth even a small portion of her time. She thought of how the second she looked out for Phoebe's well-being and expressed her concerns about Cole she was royally abandoned by both her sisters. She also remembered how close she became with Piper trying to save Phoebe, and then how she was dumped for the more beloved sister once they won her back. It hurt so much she thought she was going to die right there from the pain. She drove people away inherently. It was either that or she wasn't important enough to keep around. Her sisters saw her as a screw-up. Silly little Paige messing up spells, getting herself into magical trouble, and always bringing all that messy dead parent adoptee baggage with her. She wished she could change who she was if it meant being more easily accepted. The only person who had ever embraced every part of her was Glen, and now he had left her too because she again screwed up. This truth of her life made her tremble with grief and she felt so lost she wanted to cry out.

She hadn't even noticed Prue run up behind her and seize her into what was a loving but constraining and painful hug for Paige. Prue looked her in the eyes and wiped away the youngest's tears as fast as she could.

"Listen to me Paige, you have everything all wrong. I love you and accept you, and so do Piper and Phoebe. You have to understand. We are never going to abandon you. I can't believe you believe some of the things you just thought. We all make mistakes, and I know Phoebe and Piper haven't always known how to react to you. You are a complicated person Paigey, but none of us love you less because of it"

Paige moaned, realizing that because they were essentially inside her mind, Prue had been able to tap into every thought she had. She was both mad at Prue and desperate to hang onto every word she said as the truth. She felt so damaged and wanted it to end. She wanted to put up her happy-go-lucky quirky forefront and take back this whole ordeal. She didn't know what to do with the love Prue was giving her.

"My poor baby. Poor poor Paige" Prue sighed hugging Paige even tighter and rubbing her back. "I promise, we'll make you see the truth"

Just as Paige calmed down though and was ready to get back inside the safety of Prue's unquestionable love for her she felt herself slipping away as she cried out, the lasting image of Prue's worried and shocked face plastered in her mind.


	11. Chapter 11

Blood rushed into Paige's head so quickly she could see nothing but darkness. She had the worst headache of her life and it felt like her eyes were about to pop out of her head. Suddenly she was scared, alone, and painfully aware that she was no longer in her dream world.

Her body was shaking, so violently that it was actually physically hurting her. She didn't know where she was or what was happening. She just wanted it to stop.

Her body seized with an insurmountable shot of pain and for the first time, she felt herself back in her body.

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Piper was holding Paige's tense body in her arms, with Phoebe on the other side. The two had been trying to restrain Paige for fear that she was about to hurt herself. It wasn't working though and as the minutes passed, Piper began to fear more and more for her baby sister's life.

Leo had orbed back in just moments before and told them that Paige's soul would immediately be returned to her body. What he couldn't tell them was what Paige was really doing on another plane and how being brought back to life was completely against her will. That would be for them to figure out. He was also instructed not to stick around, and as a result, he left again as quickly as he came.

Piper watched Paige, holding her breath in terror. She had no idea what was happening to her, and it scared her to death. Whether or not Paige knew it, she meant so much to Piper, and knowing she was in pain made Piper feel sick. It was just like it was with Phoebe.

Piper looked at Phoebe and saw her also staring at Paige, so intently that she hadn't even noticed that Piper was now staring at her.

"Phoebe," Piper attempted, worried at her sister's look which signaled she was close to a breaking point, "Maybe-"

"Piper, look!" Phoebe cried a slight bit of relief in her voice as she gestured towards Paige's sweaty, flushed face.

Piper looked down at the youngest in her arms. She too felt relief wash over her as she noticed Paige's eyes fluttering slightly.

She straightened Paige up so she was in more of a sitting position, though her body still stiff needed to be supported by Piper's arms.

"Paige, Paigey" Piper called her sister, as though she were far away and not right in her embrace. "Honey, can you open your eyes?"

Paige didn't wake, but her eyelids continued to flutter rapidly as her body shook. Phoebe was beginning to worry that instead of being a good sign, Paige's eyelid spasms were a sign that she was in fact taking a turn for the worse.

Phoebe began lightly slapping Paige's face, and then not so lightly much to the horror of Piper who was still cooing at Paige as though she was simply waking up from a nap.

"Phoebe, what are you doing?!" Piper yelped, startled at Phoebe's sudden decision to hit Paige "Stop before you hurt her!"

Phoebe gave her a skeptical look, "Oh come on Piper, we need to literally snap her out of this"

Before Piper could respond, Paige's eyes burst open, full of panic, confusion, and something that resembled fear.

"Oh Paige, thank God" Phoebe cried, hugging her sister to her

"Phoebe, stop!" Piper said, seeing Paige's face turn bright red as she struggled to breathe

Paige couldn't find her voice to talk, she couldn't even breathe in. Her throat felt really scratchy and she was thirstier than she had ever been. She was vaguely aware that she was shaking, though she was still too light-headed to really grasp what was happening. She started to cough violently, her mouth so dry she couldn't swallow.

Piper grabbed a bottle of water from her nightstand and brought it to her weak and shaking sister's lips, pouring some of it down her throat. Phoebe smoothed Paige's hair and wiped some of the sweat off of her face, incredibly grateful that Paige had woken up and was slightly alert.

Paige was not sure what to think. She hurt so badly. Her pain over Glen, over the way Piper and Phoebe treated her, and now over losing Prue was overwhelming. So although she felt incredibly safe and loved in her sister's arms, she could not shake the feeling that Piper and Phoebe were doing this to make themselves feel better and so they wouldn't lose the power of three. It made Paige feel sick. She wanted to scream at them, hit them, fight them, make them see what they had done to her. She wanted them for once to see her for who she really was instead of who they believed her to be. She wanted to escape to a faraway place where she didn't know her sisters so they couldn't hurt her. She wanted to be back with Prue.

"Missy Paige?" Piper questioned, noticing the far away, detached look in Paige's eyes. Her sister still hadn't spoken since waking up, though her convulsions and coughing had subsided.

Paige shook her head a little as she focused back into reality. Uncomfortable , she pushed herself out of Piper's arms and moved to get out of the bed, away from both of her sisters who it was killing her to be around.

"Paige!" Piper yelled, pulling her baby sister back down onto the bed. "Are you kidding me? Not even ten minutes ago you couldn't take a drink of water by yourself and now you actually think that I'm going to let you get out of this bed? You just got out of a coma. Does that mean nothing to you?"

Paige shot Piper a scornful look. She was really mad at her sisters, just as mad as she had been before this had happened. In the back of her mind she heard Prue's voice telling her to let her sisters in, to let them love her, but Paige decided that the whole love thing was bullshit. What was love and genuine concern in Piper's voice came off to her as spite and the desire to control her. And the last thing Paige wanted to be right now was controlled. Plus it didn't help that in Paige's mind, Piper was holding against her a supposed act of love that her sisters had shown her, as though hydrating her had been a favor instead of an action Paige deserved.

Phoebe and Piper both noticed the way Paige's nose was turning bright pink and her bottom lip quivering slightly. Paige thought she was really good at hiding her emotions, but in truth both of her older sisters had come to recognize the signs that she was about to cry or at least wanted to cry but would do all in her will to hide it.

Phoebe tried to reach out and stroke Paige's hair, but the youngest pulled away and crossed her arms tightly over herself.

"Paigey, what is the matter sweetie?" Piper frowned "We are only trying to help you and you keep pushing us away. You can talk to us you know"

"We need to know what you're going through. We want to protect you" Phoebe added, again reaching out to touch Paige gently, who flinched a little

With still no answer from Paige, Piper grew more worried and agitated, as did Phoebe.

"This is going too far! You need to say something now!" Piper demanded, looking Paige right in the eyes, daring her to be disobedient.

Paige was breaking. She wasn't going to cry right here in front of her sisters. That would mean that they won and she would simply be seen as useless, weak, Paige again. She didn't want her sisters' love right now. She wanted to be alone. If she couldn't be, she was sure she would snap in anger and then her sisters would really abandon her.

She put her head in her hands and shook it trying to regain composure. She swallowed and then looked at Piper, trying to put as much sincerity, urgency, and little sister vulnerability in her eyes as she thought would get Piper to listen.

"I really want to take a shower" Paige near whispered "That's where I was going"

Piper nodded, a little confused but pleased to hear Paige nonetheless "Okay, honey sure. We can always talk later when you are feeling a little more relaxed"

The relief on Paige's face was noticeable. She got up once more, less urgently this time, and headed towards Piper's bathroom.

"Paige, wait" Phoebe called her back, exchanging a worried look with Piper "One of us should probably help you. You're a little weak right now sweetheart"

Paige responded with a blank look, as though she hadn't really heard her older sister at all, and continued into the bathroom where she would finally be alone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Most of the quotes (in italics) in this chapter are from the show. So I guess I must disclaim that they are not my own words, but belong to the writers of Charmed. **

Paige let the hot water beat down on her body so that her pale skin became blotchy and red. The pulse of the water hitting her repetitively beat out her pain and the roar of water rushing out of the shower head made her mind feel sharp and clear. Here she could finally think for herself without her sisters constantly pressing her about what she was feeling. Sometimes she didn't need a pep talk and a cup of tea. Sometimes she needed to brood and sulk by herself. This was one of those times.

Her sisters were constantly on her case about what was bothering her before she had time to work things out herself. Sometimes she thought they were doing it out of concern for her, but other times it came off as though they were just trying to beat her down and put her in a position where she had to rely on them, a position she wanted to avoid in particular.

Well, she was already pretty much failing at that. She did in fact notice that she was wearing different clothes when she woke up, which meant Phoebe and Piper had cared enough to clean her up. Plus she had gone out and gotten drunk, putting her in a position that left her vulnerable to be attacked. She had also been the one to freak out before they went to the club and to come home crying to Piper after meeting up with Glen yesterday. She needed her sisters at all those times, but the kicker was that they were always only half-there for her. Every time she was willing to open up a little, they just shut her out. It was as if nothing had changed since they first met.

What had it been now? Over a year? And it still felt like she didn't fit in. Piper and Phoebe would say that was her own fault. _Nice hair Paige_ Piper had laughed when she decided to leave it red _As if you didn't stick out enough already_. And it was true, Paige realized with a knot in her stomach as she closed her eyes, willing herself to focus on the beat of water on her temples. She was too tall, too pale, too different to fit in with her sisters. She didn't fit the Halliwell cookie-cutter model that haunted her day and night. She was just a half-breed. That's what they called her, _half-breed. _

She didn't want to remember. She wanted to stay in her current blissful state of indifference, but she couldn't fight it. Just the thought of her sisters sent her back to the terrible-beautiful beginning of it all.

She remembered the venom in Piper's voice whenever they spoke in the first few weeks, venom that quickly turned to exasperation, and maybe even a little resentment.

_"Look Paige, I really, really want to be the cool big sister, but this is ridiculous. You have no priorities"_ Piper had scolded her, as she always did when she didn't do what she was told like a good little sister.

"_Listen to me very carefully. There is nothing more important than learning your craft right now. We could be attacked at any moment…_ _Phoebe's been at this a lot longer than you have… I-I didn't ask for this big sister gig and frankly it's sucks. But since I'm on a roll, you should get rid of that lollipop habit because it's going to rot your teeth"_

The memory replayed in Paige's head, making her feel guilty when she shouldn't have. It was one of the first times Paige had literally felt ashamed in Piper's presence when she had simply been being herself.

Right after that conversation, she had switched bodies with Phoebe, in a stupid show of naiveté. She really looked up to Phoebe, as much as she hated to admit it. Phoebe had let her in when Piper wouldn't, she had welcomed her with open arms as the baby sister she had always wanted. Paige remembered crying on Phoebe's shoulder as she told the story of her parents' death, while Piper just looked on in what Paige perceived as mild disgust.

Her mind floated to the time she had just _known_ there was something creepy going on in that house where Finn lived, but Piper had just dismissed her.

"_I really think that when you've been a witch for a few months, you'll know the difference between sensing evil and needing a warmer jacket" _Piper had snapped at her

They made her beg.

"_I swear Phoebe I'm not making this up" _She had pleaded with her closer sister at the time. She had also tried to talk to Leo, which caused Piper to call her annoying and accuse her of going behind her back, which had never been Paige's intention at all.

Deep down, she had known that Piper wanted to protect her, but no matter how she looked at it, she felt as though it wasn't because of love but because they needed her powers.

Yeah, Piper really thought lowly of her. Paige could still hear her groan, "_This is ridiculous. It's like dealing with a teenager." _And even though Paige liked to pretend it didn't matter, like they were really just kidding with her in a special sister way instead of being sincere, she doubted it was the truth.

Paige put her head back farther under the cascading water of the shower. She so desperately wanted to cleanse herself of these emotions, of these corrupting grievances that tied her down. She couldn't though, and the memories just kept flooding back, stronger with each surge of water over her head.

She recalled Piper and Phoebe barging in on her and Glen…No, no, that was one memory she really wouldn't touch. It would just make her angrier. Her sisters probably had messed things up with Glen right then and there. Oh, and then they had made her move into the manor for all the wrong reasons.

They just couldn't see her for who she really was. They might have acted like they cared about her feelings, but they didn't. Sure they tried to be nice, showed a casual interest in her art and in her various escapades. But that's all it was, a casual interest. She coped with it by being quirky and comedic. It allowed her to spin all of the hurt she experienced into nothingness, at least temporarily. Inside she ached, and she sometimes felt like her soul was turning as black as coal.

Cole. Well didn't that fiasco just add a whole new dimension to her pain. It killed her relationship with Phoebe.

They excluded her, she was a fifth wheel. When she had tried to come to Piper with her doubts she was just shunned.

_"No-no-no-no. There is nothing demonic about Cole, and whether you like it or not, he's your brother-in-law. So whatever issues you have with him you're gonna have to take care of yourself"_

That's how it always was. Paige going at it alone. Of course she had been right, but that was no big consolation prize. She could still remember the pain of being royally abandoned at P3 after she had simply been trying to be honest.

The tears started coming, mixing with the scalding shower water that fell over Paige's head. She could finally cry in peace, knowing neither of her sisters could find her and ask what was wrong. What was she supposed to say? How can you explain to someone that they have basically ruined your life?

Worse came after they 'vanquished' Cole. Phoebe's demon spawn kept trying to kill her, and Paige couldn't help but feel that it had more to do with Phoebe's feelings than she would admit.

_You stay here, I don't want you provoking her baby anymore. _Piper had accused, like it was her fault, not realizing just how much of an effect every little dig had on Paige. Of course Phoebe and her child could do no wrong. It had to be Paige's fault, she was always second best.

Paige couldn't hide her anger that time. "_Hey, maybe you resent me and the baby's just modeling after mom," _ she had yelled at Phoebe. She must have been right, because all Phoebe did question where she got such an idea from, not deny that it was the truth.

Phoebe had tried to apologize for acting shitty though.

"_Come on, you knew Cole was evil the whole time when everyone thought you were crazy, and thanks to you we vanquished the Source and gave Cole peace. So go ahead, say it. Say I told you so_**_…_**_I was so unfair to you for the last few weeks and you were right and I just, I wanna clear the air right now" _

Paige had tried to be a bigger person, tried to be adult about it. She did eventually say 'I told you so,' but in the end it was her apologizing and Phoebe being all fakely forgiving, _"I know you are sorry, honey, I know you are." _

Paige never got a sorry from Phoebe in return.

Paige laughed in spite of her tears. She felt so melodramatic, reliving all of her bad memories like this. But she had to, she couldn't stop herself. She was beginning to see what needed to be done with more clarity than ever.

She remembered when Piper and Phoebe jumped to throw away all of their powers, even though she didn't want to. It was two against one, and she was always, always the one. She had begged them, tried to make them see without breaking down just how much weight she placed on being a witch. She was pretty sure that without their shared destiny, Piper and Phoebe would want little to do with her. They tried to guilt her into siding with them.

"_Paige, it's just that we've been doing this a lot longer than you have, and I'm not trying to discount all the good that we've done or that we could do. But at the same time I'm not gonna minimize the costs. Paige, I can't get pregnant because of what we do," _Piper had patronized her.

_"Paige, you don't know the hell that I've been through. You didn't live it,"_ Phoebe spat.

They never stopped reminding her just how inadequate she was.

A small sob escaped Paige as she realized things hadn't improved much in the past few months.

The worst was when Barbas had attacked. As if she wasn't feeling insecure enough about not being as good as Prue, her sisters had a talent for making her feel like even more of a screw-up.

"_Listen, I really don't need a lecture right now" _Paige had begged after letting Barbas loose, but Piper and Phoebe just couldn't take a hint.

"_No, you really do because you have no idea what you've done and now we have a serious problem," _Piper seethed.

So she just kept apologizing. They had the power of making her feel like a misbehaved little girl, and even though she wanted to fight back, or at least get them to stop bothering her, she couldn't. She could only stand there wide-eyed and startled, apologizing for just being who she was.

"_Paige, we know you're really sorry and it's not the fact that you screwed up that we're upset about. It's the fact that you didn't listen to us," _Piper continued making her feel worse.

" _We've just had a lot more experience than you do, we've been at this a lot longer," _Phoebe made sure to add on for affect.

Paige's head was throbbing now. She was dizzy, and felt sick recalling what had happened next. Phoebe had beat her up, full of anger and hate. Paige's logical side told her that Phoebe thought she was Barbas, but how could that have really been possible? How could Phoebe have not heard her sobs and cries that came with each blow to her body? She hadn't even defended herself. She was too scared. Then Phoebe had stabbed her, and although when she was healed Phoebe had grabbed her into a hug, apologizing over and over, Paige didn't know how to feel. Her trust with Phoebe had been rocky before, and since that day, Paige had wanted to avoid her older sister as much as possible. She was still scared of Phoebe.

Paige turned off the faucet with a sniff and wrung her hair out. She had no idea how much time she had passed in the shower trying in vain to wash away her hurt. She was surprised neither of her sisters had come up to make sure she hadn't cracked her head open on the tub or anything, though she shouldn't have been judging by the past. She still was lost. She was unwanted, unloved, and unvalued. She had lost her best friend and her love and had nobody to look to for reassurance that it would all be okay.

She missed Prue, and wanted to go back to her. It would only figure in her life that her dead sister would be the one she could relate to the most. She wasn't going to tell Piper or Phoebe about her time with Prue because they would just resent her even more and probably kick her out for getting to see their favorite sister when they weren't allowed to. The thought petrified her. She knew one thing for sure. She simply could not stay here any longer. She had to get out of this house and away from her sisters.

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**Kudos if you got through that! I hope you liked this installment. Really a huge thanks to all of you who have reviewed and keep reviewing!**

**I'm mostly inserting this author's note to address a new idea I have for a story and see if anyone would be interested. **

**I am thinking of writing another Paige throwback fic, kind of similar to my other story Changes, but also different. Basically, Paige getting turned into a toddler because the Elders think she needs to learn to trust her sisters. Details still need a little working out, but I don't want to write something nobody is going to read. Let me know :)**

**Also, I might try to change my pen name (even though I have no clue how to do this at the moment), so don't freak out and lose track of me :)**

**-Deb**


	13. Chapter 13

"That went well" Phoebe grumbled sarcastically as she and Piper exited the bedroom "I can't believe you let her get away with that"

"Well what did you want me to do Phoebe? She's a big girl, we can't control her, as much as she needs it," Piper sighed in response "I don't feel good about leaving her alone, but I honestly don't know what to do with her anymore"

"Why can't you just stand your ground, like Prue did with me? I don't understand why this has to be so hard"

"You know why Phoebe. Paige is clearly furious with us. Did you miss how fast she tried to get away from me? She hates us, its as if we're keeping her prisoner here. I don't even know what to do at this point"

"Maybe that's the thing" Phoebe suggested as the two sisters made their way down to the first floor "Maybe we aren't being pushy enough"

"What are we supposed to do? She's not like you or me, she more like Prue but actually its worse. She'll never open up to us. For whatever reason, she has no interest in telling us how she is feeling until it just gets to be too much for her. Then she snaps, which is exhibit A, Paige locking herself in the bathroom, barely conscious for 15 minutes, basically telling us that if we don't leave her alone she'll never speak to us again."

Phoebe ran a hand through her hair, agitated. "I know, I know. But maybe what we need to do is actually take it that step further, get past her stubbornness, and break through the wall she has up. We have to make her so vulnerable that she has no choice but to talk to us. It's what Prue would have done"

Piper nodded "It's worth a shot. She just gets so angry, I'm not used to it. God, I wish I had just listened when she came home after meeting Glen. She had been crying, and I just brushed it off because I was too busy with the club. She must feel like crap"

"At least your ex-husband and demon child didn't try to kill her. Not to mention that fact that I almost killed her myself" Phoebe got a little nauseous, remembering their recent encounter with Barbas "What if we're too late Piper? What if we have missed our chance to be her big sisters? We missed it with her parent's deaths, with Cole, with her insecurities over Prue, with Sam, and now with this Glen situation. We really screwed up with her."

"Phoebe, you can't talk like that" Piper shook her head as they reached the bottom of the steps. "We can't take back what we did, all we can do is apologize and try harder now. Maybe now is our chance to fix things with her. I so badly want to fix things with her"

"Don't I know it" Phoebe replied giving Piper a sad smile. "So sis, how should we start Operation Paige?"

"I think some good old fashioned sister time is in order. We've always taken it for granted with each other, and Paige hasn't really had the opportunity to experience any. I'm going to make some of Paige's favorite comfort foods for dinner, and then we'll take it up to her room or my room and watch a movie or something. Or we could just talk, it depends how open Paige wants to be and how mad at us she is"

"I'm not sure mad even begins to cover it Piper, but I'm on board. What can I do to help?" Phoebe questioned, knowing she would not be of any real help to Piper in the kitchen.

"Well, I want to kind of surprise Paige, so I guess you could just go check on her in a little while. Make sure she doesn't use up all of San Francisco's water supply. Until then sweetie, just rest on the couch. You've had a long day."

"Speak for yourself, pregnant lady. If anybody should be taking it easy it's you" Phoebe scolded following Piper into the kitchen and standing opposite the counter where Piper had already begun to place the ingredients she needed

"Oh I'm fine" Piper said, shooing Phoebe off "Now go, and keep an eye on the door in case our little runaway decides to make a break for it"

Phoebe shook her head smiling as she left the room, seeing a lot of Paige in Piper's stubborn independence "Alright. Alright I'm going, don't mess up!"

"Like that's even possible" Piper laughed to herself, reading the instructions on the box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese that was Paige's ultimate comfort food, much to the dismay of her chef side. She had tried to make Paige her homemade macaroni in the past, but the girl was having none of it.

"_It's good Piper, really. But it's not the same. Your cooking's awesome, but Kraft has got you beat on this one" _Paige had laughed while dumping most of the meal Piper had slaved over on her behalf into the garbage. It had been Piper's fault really, now that she thought about it, for trying to change just another thing that made Paige herself.

"You" Piper said holding the box out "Are going to have to be my olive branch"

*******

Paige was in a fury. Her mind was completely set on getting out of the house, though she wasn't quite sure how she was going to manage it.

She had tried to orb when she got out of the shower, in an effort to go straight to her room and avoid Piper and Phoebe, but much to her dismay nothing happened. She decided it was because her body wasn't back to normal yet after having been through such a shock, but boy was she pissed.

Lucky for her, Piper and Phoebe had left Piper's room by the time she crept out of the adjoining bathroom making her escape to the refuge of her own room much easier. She couldn't help her disappointment though. She was hoping her sisters would have proved her wrong and cared enough to keep an eye on her. Would it have annoyed her? Sure. But it would have hurt a lot less.

Paige sighed as she pulled on a pair of black velour sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. Her anger just kept growing and she needed to escape. Her emotions were running too high and she definitely did not want to be around her sisters anymore. Well, two of them at least. She wished Prue were here, and the pain of being separated weighed down on her. She finally understood why she just wasn't enough for Piper and Phoebe too.

"Where am I going to go?" Paige thought aloud as she blow-dried her hair, while scrunching it, allowing her natural wavy texture to come through. She would go out partying, but she was too tired and could not fathom getting dressed up. In reality, she knew she should probably stay in bed judging by her dizziness and pounding headache that was not cured by the shower. However, her irrational, stubborn, rebellious side would not allow her to just let it go.

More than anything, she wanted to make a point. Now that she would have to get out of the manor through the front door, she was sure to end up in a confrontation with her sisters. She planned on standing her ground and showing them just how badly they had messed up. It may have been immature, Paige wasn't denying that, but she was done being the bigger person when it just led her sisters to walk all over her. Piper and Phoebe got their way because Paige was scared of upsetting them. Maybe for once they would be scared of upsetting her.

Powered by this thought, Paige threw on an old sweatshirt she had lying around. It was Phoebe's, and she had lent it to Paige a few weeks back. Paige had never given it back and the fact that it was what she had chosen to put on now was a slight bit ironic. She had been eyeing it for awhile, it looked and was extremely comfy. She felt close to Phoebe wearing it, like they were real sisters who shared things, real sisters who loved each other. Even realizing this, Paige could not take it off. She couldn't actually shed the illusion of their relationship.

Taking a deep breath, Paige slipped on her favorite Velcro sneakers (that Piper and Phoebe were always making fun of her for, another thing to add to the list). Turning towards her window, she shuddered and pulled her hands into her sleeves. It was chilly in the manor, and a storm was clearly blowing in, Paige realized, noticing the dark color of the sky and the menacing sway of the trees.

"Figures" she mumbled, pouting a little. Paige hated the rain, and the last thing she wanted to do was be outside and running away from her sisters during a thunderstorm. She wished she didn't have to do this, but the thought of staying in the manor was equally frightening. Mustering up whatever courage she could find, praying that this didn't backfire on her, Paige grabbed her keys and slipped out of her room, the door slamming on her way out because of the wind, leaving her cursing under her breath and pretty much screwed.

******

Phoebe sat on the couch, legs tucked under her, as she watched the storm brewing outside. It looked pretty bad and she was sure some trees branches would end up knocked down. She just hoped that none would hit her car.

She listened contently to the sounds of Piper's cooking in the kitchen, and it made her feel safe and relaxed. It was one of the things she could always count on in life. She wanted Paige to feel at home in the sounds of the manor the way she and Piper did. She wanted Paige to finally become a solid part of their lives, so that Phoebe could feel her energy coursing through the manor, even when she wasn't there. She was ready to accept Paige's permanence in her life, it no longer felt like a temporary arrangement that was bound to fall through. She wanted Paige to know these things. She wanted to take her baby sister in her arms and make her see that she belonged there, like Prue had done with her. She wanted Paige to feel like she hadn't been uprooted from her life, but that everything before finding her sisters had just been a background to her true destiny, her true place in life as a witch and as a sister. It was a lot to ask from young, free-spirited Paige, Phoebe knew. But she wanted it. She wanted so much.

She was shaken from her thoughts by the slamming of a door and the hurried, clomping steps of Paige coming down the stairs. Phoebe could tell just from the sound that she was in for trouble.

"Paige?" She asked loudly, craning her head around the couch to see her little sister enter the foyer. Paige didn't look like she was going anywhere really, well Phoebe hoped not judging by her outfit, but she was quickly proved wrong as Paige stormed past her towards the door.

"Hey not so fast there missy" Phoebe called after her, jumping up from her seat. Paige didn't even look at Phoebe, just kept stomping forward, hoping that if she escaped past the front door she could easily get away.

"Paige!" Phoebe warned as she tailed Paige out to the front steps. Realizing she wasn't going to do well taking the youngest alone, she decided to get some backup.

"Piper, we have a situation!" she hollered towards the house, causing Paige to whip around indignantly, despite herself. She could not believe Phoebe had brought Piper into this, pretty much diminishing any lasting hopes she had of leaving.

Piper was out in front of the house insanely fast, wooden spoon still in her hand and clearly flustered. One look at her highly agitated eldest sister, and Paige panicked, turning around once more and attempting to descend a few more of the steps that led up to the manor.

The wind whipped violently and a few raindrops began to fall to the beat of the thunder in the distance. It looked as if the skies were about to open up any minute and pour down mercilessly on the three sisters stupid enough to leave the comfort of their home at such a time.

"Paige, take another step further and you are going to be really sorry" Piper threatened, her shrill tone enough to at least get Paige to stop.

"Oh please" Paige laughed defiantly, turning yet again to confront Piper and Phoebe head on "The only thing making me sorry right now is having even moved in here in the first place"

Piper bristled a little. She knew Paige was really upset at both her and Phoebe, but she still was not happy having every mistake she made thrown back into her face. She couldn't let Paige know that her words had any affect on her though.

"When are you going to grow up?" Piper threw back "You very well know that you moving in here is not the issue at hand. Just stop trying to change the subject and deal with what is going on."

"I don't have to play these games" Paige shouted back, moving to finally finish making her way to the curb. "I am an adult, and I don't have to answer to either of you if I don't feel like it."

The rain was now coming down full force, in harsh, cold droplets. It just added to the atmosphere of rage, hurt, and confusion that was consuming the Halliwells at the moment.

"Of course Paige. Sure. That's so like you. You never need anybody do you? Why don't you just run away again? Just prove to me a little bit more how much like your alcoholic, deadbeat father you are. You are so damn worried and uptight about being abandoned, but what else are people supposed to do when you refuse to commit?! I'd like to see how long you'd last in the real world without me and Phoebe to lean back on. Not very long judging by your history" Piper spat out, regretting her words but knowing at the same time that the only way to stop Paige from running away was to make it seem like running away was what she expected her to do. It was roundabout and horrible, but Piper knew Paige, and she therefore knew that her method was the only way.

Paige was defeated. Her face contorted in sadness, and there was no hiding how broken she was. She couldn't very well leave now, that would just prove Piper's point. She couldn't believe that her own sister would call her such horrible things. Above all, she couldn't believe that deep down, she actually thought Piper was right.

She stormed back up the steps, the bottom of her pants rain-soaked and the rest of her body shivering from the cold. She was aching to scream in Piper's face. When she reached her older sister though, she was immediately put in her place. Although normally she had the slight height advantage, Piper's place on the manor's threshold and Paige's place on the step below caused the oldest to tower over the youngest. It also did not help that Paige was wearing flat soled shoes for once.

Piper glared at Paige authoritatively. "Get back inside, go to your room and put on some dry clothes. I don't want to here anything else about it. And don't you even think you are leaving this house without my permission"

Paige wasn't giving up that quickly "Piper, I'm not a little kid, okay? You cannot ground me"

"Just watch me Paige Matthews. I can't let you out of my sight so it seems. The first time I do it you end up drunk and dying, and the next time I do it, you are barreling out of my house despite the fact that there is clearly something very seriously wrong with you, both mentally and physically. If you aren't going to care about yourself enough to make good decisions, that's your problem. But I'll be damned if I sit around and let something happen to the baby sister whom I love. Now get back inside, before I have to drag you in"

Paige looked astonished which combined with the fact that she was now drenched and a victim of new tears falling down her pale cheeks left little question about what was going to happen next.

She just shook her head, dashed back into the manor, pushing rather violently past both of her older sisters, and ran upstairs to her bedroom whose door she shut with a deafening slam.

"Gee, we should do this more often. What happened to killing her with kindness?" Phoebe groaned, looking at Piper who looked just as perplexed about the showdown that had just occurred.


	14. Chapter 14

**I disclaim, I don't own Love is a Battlefield :) **

"I think it could have gone worse" Piper tried to rationalize the situation as she reentered the manor with Phoebe. "At least she's still here"

"But Piper, how do you expect her to want to talk to us after you said those things? You really hit her in her weak spots" Phoebe sighed as Piper returned to her place cooking with an air of nonchalance that was particularly irritating.

"Was it really that bad? I didn't know how else to make her stay here." Piper frowned a little, beginning to set up the tray they would take up to Paige.

Phoebe shrugged "I guess it's nothing an apology and some sisterly love won't fix, but I'm just worried that she'll shut herself off from us"

"God Phoebe" Piper snapped "Do you need to make me feel guilty? I'm not perfect, okay? I'm just trying to do my best with our baby sister who for some reason, I rarely seem to get"

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty Piper. I just think we sometimes forget how much Paige has been through and maybe that's why we have so much trouble getting along. We both need to give her really big, really blatant apologies so she won't pull any of the 'you ruined my life' stuff she loves so much" Phoebe explained

Piper nodded as she divided the macaroni into bowls and plated some chocolate chip cookies she had left over from the last time she baked. "I'm sorry I yelled at you Pheebs, it's just I really do feel guilty about saying that to Paige. I feel like a terrible big sister sometimes and I still don't know how to handle her. I want things to just start feeling natural, and they haven't yet, which scares me."

Phoebe came around the island and wrapped her older sister in a hug "Don't even say that. You are an amazing big sister. I love you, and so does Paige even though she might not want to admit it right now. We're going to get through to her though, we have to"

"And there's no time like the present" Piper smiled, picking up the meal she had prepared with only her baby sister in mind. "Let's get started breaking down that wall"

***********

Paige ran to her room crying and flustered. Her head was pounding and she was so angry, she didn't know what to do with herself. She literally felt like she was going to explode.

She wanted to scream and break things. But she also didn't want her sisters to know she was having a full blown temper-tantrum in her bedroom. They did not know her angry side and would probably have her committed, which would be slightly worse than being confined to the manor. Just slightly.

She made sure to lock her door because she honestly was not willing to even see her sisters right now. She needed some serious Paige time.

She went over to her stereo and pushed her Ipod in, setting it to a playlist she had specifically reserved for days like this one. She immediately felt her tension heighten at the first shrill shriek of Love is a Battlefield and her vengeance was like electricity coursing through her veins.

_We are strong  
No one can tell us we're wrong  
Searching our hearts for so long  
Both of us knowing  
Love is a battlefield_

She stalked over to her bureau where she had tucked away her "Glen album" in the deep recesses of a drawer where she would not have to see it or think about it. She cautiously opened it. She hadn't looked at it since before deciding to set up the meeting with him and Jessica. That had been kind of a naïve idea, she scolded herself now. She was too much of a dreamer.

_You're begging me to go  
Then making me stay  
Why do you hurt me so bad  
It would help me to know  
Do I stand in your way  
Or am I the best thing you've had_

She flipped open the cover and was sickeningly reminded of how in love she was with Glen. They had been best friends, soul-mates even before they discovered their chemistry. They were so comfortable with each other, so in tune, that when his lips brushed hers for the very first time it was as if the stars aligned.

It was meant to be, Paige frowned, tearing up slightly. There were pictures of their lives together everywhere, pictures she had saved and put together in this stupid scrapbook to show her children, their children, one day. There was one of them on their fishing trip where Paige had caught such a large fish she got overly excited and tipped the canoe. There was one of them lying in each others arms in the grass on a picnic at about 17, blissfully unaware of the world around them. There was one of them when they were 12 up in their favorite tree in his backyard. There were Halloweens, Christmases, birthdays, and just regular old days that lay claim to the best memories of her life.

_Believe me  
Believe me  
I can't tell you why  
But I'm trapped by your love  
And I'm chained to your side_

Piper and Phoebe did not get that Glen held everything for her. He was the only person in whose eyes she could see who she was, who she had been, and the hopes of who she would become. Everyone else she had grown up with was gone. The only person that had known her long enough to remind her of who she was underneath it all was Glen. Piper and Phoebe could do that for each other, but no matter how well they got to know Paige, they could never do that for her.

So she was lost. She couldn't remember who she was supposed to be now that Glen had exited her life as he always did, but this time with very little chance of return. On top of her sister issues, it was enough to make her want to punch the wall in or curl up into a little ball and cry. For the first time ever, she was really, truly, alone. She had lost her last tie to her past and she wasn't ready to step into a future as bleak as the one with her sisters seemed.

Her hand rested on the photo of herself on Glen's shoulders, goofing off when they were in college. She had covered his eyes and he went tumbling down a hill on campus, Paige thrown off to the side. He had whacked his head pretty badly, but she had tenderly cleaned his cuts and made sure he didn't have a concussion. He told her he loved her. He asked her to marry him. She said no. They were 20.

_We are young  
Heartache to heartache we stand  
No promises  
No demands  
Love is a battlefield_

We are strong  
No one can tell us we're wrong  
Searching our hearts for so long  
Both of us knowing  
Love is a battlefield

"Fuck!" Paige screamed, realizing what she had lost in that moment. "Fuck, how could I have been so stupid!"

She was fuming, mad at herself, Glen, and her sisters, leaving her with no allies at all. She had assumed Glen would wait for her. She had guessed he was kidding when he propsed. He hadn't been, she realized now. She had been so insensitive, so self-absorbed, such a stupid kid. He was stupid too for not mentioning it again, for laughing it off.

She couldn't control herself. She threw the book so hard at her bedroom wall that it left a mark. A few pictures flew out, and at first Paige gasped. This book had brought her through her toughest times, it symbolized the one stability she had in life, Glen and his love for her. Well that was a joke now. And it felt surprisingly good to be destroying it.

"Album!" she called orbing the book back to her, just to throw it again at the wall, harder this time. "Fuck you Glen! Fuck you!" She screamed, the words burning her throat as she shook with rage.

_When I'm losing control  
Will you turn me away  
Or touch me deep inside  
And when all this gets old  
Will it still feel the same  
There's no way this will die  
But if we get much closer  
I could lose control  
And if your heart surrenders  
You'll need me to hold  
_

The song mocked her. He had turned her away when she lost control. And their relationship did die. She was so lost, she wanted somebody, something to point to in her life as positive. She was an unemployed loser, who had sex with guys to pretend to be normal but dumped them the second they got too close. She dumped her sisters too. They all deserved it though. They didn't like her for who she was. The guys liked her for her looks, or her wry sense of humor that was just pain coming through in a mangled form. Her sisters didn't like her at all. They just needed her to save innocents and keep their powers in tact.

_We are young  
Heartache to heartache we stand  
No promises  
No demands  
Love is a battlefield_

Paige kept throwing the book and orbing it back until it was just a distorted mess of torn papers, loose pictures, and a broken history. It was helping her release her fury, but at this point it just wasn't enough.

Looking around her room, her eyes found a little figurine Glen had brought for her from the Alps. She had loved it because it was from him. Now she hated it. She threw it as she threw the book smashing it to a million little pieces in one fell swoop. She was purging Glen from her life though it was causing her to wrack with sobs and cry out so loudly she was sure that if not for the music, Phoebe and Piper would be all over her.

She continued to find things Glen had given her and either break them or throw them out. She tore up the birthday card he gave her last year and the wedding invitation that still sat spitefully on her nightstand. She had kept it for some reason, maybe because she was unable to face that it was the truth.

_We are strong  
No one can tell us we're wrong  
Searching our hearts for so long  
Both of us knowing  
Love is a battlefield_

And all of the sudden, she was unimportant Paige again, Paige who was stubborn and unleashed her rage on the world because she didn't get her way. She hated not getting her way, especially since it seemed like she was never on the winning side of things. No, nothing ever went right for her. She had to be adopted, she had to have dead parents, she had to be only a half-sister, Piper had to hate her, Phoebe had to resent her because of Cole, she had to be the scapegoat, the youngest but without any of the forgiveness and leniency perks the baby of the family usually gets. She had to lose the love of her life. Why? Because she was Paige and for some reason, the rule of her life was that things were always going to suck.

She ran her finger over a scrap of the invite that had his name embossed on it. Glen Joseph Belland. The name of the man she both hated and loved. A man she wished she had never met but knew she would not be alive without.

"Oh Glen" she whispered rubbing the raised letters of his name "What did I do to deserve this?"

Her headache worse than ever and overcome by a drowsy lightheadedness, Paige allowed herself to fall face down onto her pillow. The thunderstorm was wreaking havoc outside, as enraged as Paige had been during her tirade. She continued to cry muffled tears into her pillows, Phoebe's sweatshirt hood pulled over her head, determined to shut herself off from the world as her Ipod shuffled to the next song.


	15. Chapter 15

As Piper and Phoebe mounted the stairs, they realized just how much they were in for. Paige's music was absolutely blasting, yet as they approached her door they could still hear the very distinct sound of things breaking.

"O-kay" Phoebe sing-songed, spinning on her heel and turning away from the door "I did not sign up for this. Let's come back a little later"

"Hold it right there" Piper demanded, pulling Phoebe back by her shirt "I cannot do this by myself. You are not leaving me to deal with Psycho Paige all alone."

"Oh fine" Phoebe pouted "Should we listen in on her before making our entrance?"

Piper shrugged, as she briefly considered the potentially negative consequences of invading Paige's privacy, and then smirked. Handing an also smirking Phoebe the food tray, she pressed her ear against the old wooden door. It was just like when the two used to spy on Prue, an activity that never bored them no matter how old they got.

Piper wrinkled her nose as she tried to decipher the mess of sounds coming from Paige's bedroom. She straightened back up a minute later and dusted herself off, with a concerned look on her face.

"And?" Phoebe pressed, raising her eyebrows.

Piper frowned a little "All I could make out over the music were a bunch of "fuck yous" and the sound of something smashing. She may have also been crying, I don't really know"

"Hmm" Phoebe said, frowning too "Well this didn't make me want to go in there anymore than I did five minutes ago. Maybe we should just leave her alone after all. I don't want to fight with her anymore"

"Okay, so not happening Pheebs" Piper chided her younger sister "I'm done leaving Paige alone. She needs us right now, whether she knows it or not. Now we are going to go in there, calm her down, and then shove this food down her throat. Clear?"

Phoebe nodded, but not with any degree of tangible enthusiasm. She remembered being harassed by Piper and Prue when she wanted to be by herself and how much that annoyed her. She also couldn't forget though how much it helped her.

"Here goes nothing then" Piper breathed in deeply in an attempt to relax herself and put on a chipper front as she grasped the handle of the door, ready to open it.

**************************

Paige groaned from her bed of pain at the sound of her older sisters' voices outside the door. She guessed that they would come up eventually, but had hoped that the loud, angry music would be enough for them to take a hint for an hour or seven.

She waited for them to barge in, and then remembered she had locked the door. This made her smile a little, because it meant that she had thrown her sisters for a bit of a loop. The manor was so old they didn't have keys to any of the doors anymore and when she moved in, she had been quickly notified of the open door policy they had at the manor. It was just another rule she had to follow, another bit of independence she had to sacrifice to be a part of this stupid destiny.

Rolling herself into a little ball, she tried to ignore the sound of the door knob being turned repeatedly in several different directions, followed by the loud pounding knocks of an apparently very pissed Piper.

"Paige! Paige!" she heard her eldest sister's voice "I know you're in there, and I know you're not asleep. So stop pretending to be. Get up and open the door, this instant or you will be very sorry"

Paige smiled again at Piper's poor attempt at exerting authority over her and was also slightly amused by the fact that Piper knew she was pretending to be asleep. Maybe Piper wasn't as clueless as she thought.

Now it was Phoebe's turn. "Paige, I know we aren't your favorite people in the world right now, but you cannot avoid us. This is our house and you have to follow our rules. You know we don't lock doors here. You know! Now let us in before we have to force ourselves in there"

At the mention of "Our house, our rules," a phrase that inherently discluded Paige and that was thrown at her all too often, the youngest lost any amusement she had and turned back into her broody self, sulking into her pillow and annoyed at her sisters.

Piper, fed up, and with no other choice really, raised up her hands and blew the knob straight off the door, causing it to swing open and reveal Paige in all of her misery.

Piper was ready to rant at the youngest, until she noticed that she didn't even react to their entrance. She knew Paige was fragile right now, and she didn't want to make things any worse. She would have to put her own feelings and opinions aside and be the older sister Paige needed. She hoped Phoebe would too.

The two approached Paige's bed, Phoebe placing the food tray on the trunk that lay at its foot for later. Piper climbed up, and sat herself right next to Paige and began rubbing her little sister's back. Phoebe joined her on the same side after shutting off Paige's stereo, intending to be a part of this process.

Paige turned away from Piper at her touch and buried her still-hooded head in her arms, willing her sisters to just leave.

"Nice sweatshirt Paigey" Phoebe joked, trying to lighten her sisters mood, but was quickly shot down when she didn't respond.

Phoebe turned to Piper concerned. It had only been a minute or two, but Paige was extremely stubborn. They could deal with distraught and angry Paige, but as they learned earlier that day, they had absolutely zero control over unresponsive Paige.

Piper was resolved to nip this in the bud before things got out of hand.

"Paige" Piper said in a way that was both stern and loving "You cannot ignore us forever. We're here right now, obviously because we are worried about you and want to talk. I think you know we need to talk honey"

Piper laid a hand on Paige's back and tried to turn her little sister over, but Paige wasn't really interested. She pushed herself right back into her original position, fully intending to continue to her ignore her irritating older sisters.

"Don't you think you are being a little silly Paige?" Phoebe tried, getting easily tired of her sister's behavior. "We are just trying to help you missy"

"We're sorry for everything. I'm especially sorry for what I said to you outside. You know I love you, you're my baby sister. I couldn't just let you leave." Piper added

She tried to turn Paige over again, but this time the youngest just let it happen. She sniffled as Piper and Phoebe took in her tear-stained face. She wanted to see what her sisters had to say for themselves and was feeling pretty lonely and helpless.

Piper pulled Paige up and wiped her newest tears off of her cheeks, just as Prue had done to Paige when she was in her coma. Her defensive shell broke a little at that moment and she let herself fall forward into Piper's arms, drained and not feeling so great. Piper returned the hug and then smiled at Paige, who smiled a little herself.

"I love you too" she said softly "I'm sorry I went and got myself hurt and then tried to leave you guys again. It's just you really overwhelm me sometimes and when that happens, I just really want to be alone. I know it wasn't responsible or right, so I hope you can forgive me"

"Of course we forgive you!" Phoebe said, hugging Paige now too. "You are our little sister. Trust me, we can't hold anything against you for too long"

Paige relaxed a little, glad her sisters were around to keep her company during the storm. Even though today had been pretty much terrible, she really was grateful for the kind and loving way Piper and Phoebe were treating her at the moment.

"Missy Paige, we brought you some comfort food, if you want" Piper offered, knowing Paige must be hungry after not having eaten for days "But first, you have really got to get changed. Like I told you before it's really not healthy to be sitting around in rain-soaked sweats, especially considering how chilly it is in the house right now"

Paige nodded, remembering her exchange with Piper outside. She was still pretty hurt, but felt too vulnerable to really get angry just then.

"I'll get you another sweatshirt of mine" Phoebe smiled, somehow sensing that Paige would like that

Paige smiled back, not minding her sisters doting on her right now. "Thanks, I'd like that a lot. I guess I'll go put some new sweatpants on" Paige decided hopping out of bed and picking some out from her dresser. She then stepped into her walk-in closet to get changed.

Phoebe also briefly left the room to get Paige the sweatshirt. Piper took the opportunity to scan Paige's room. The broken photo album with pictures of Paige and Glen falling out of it didn't escape her attention, nor did the huge scuff mark on the wall where she imagined Paige had thrown it against.

Paige popped out of the closet at that moment, just as Phoebe reentered the room.

"Here you go Paigey" Phoebe said, tossing her an extremely faded Baker High sweatshirt.

Paige gladly pulled it over her head, realizing just how cool the manor actually was. The thunder still crackled outside and the room was illuminated by lightening. She jumped, causing Piper to snicker and her cheeks to redden.

She walked back over to the bed and climbed in between her sisters, resting her body against the headboard.

"I made you Macaroni and Cheese" Piper said, handing Paige a bowl and then passing one to Phoebe and herself. "Its from the box too"

Paige's eyes lit up. She remembered bringing comfort food to Phoebe not too long ago with Piper, and she was pretty flattered that Piper saw her as deserving of such an act of love. The way to her heart was definitely through her stomach and Piper was doing a good job.

Paige cautiously took a bite and was immediately satisfied by the taste that brought her right back to her childhood where she felt safe and loved. At the moment, she was feeling pretty much the same way thanks to her sisters.

"Thank you guys" Paige said with a contented sigh as she continued to eat. "I feel better already"

"I'm glad honey. Do you think maybe now you're ready to talk about some stuff?" Piper asked, hoping her plan had started to work

Paige shrugged, putting the bowl aside though she had barely finished half of it " I guess so. It depends on what you say next"

Piper wanted to roll her eyes, knowing that Paige was never going to open up on her own. "Well, we sort of heard you screaming in here and I can't help but notice you've completely destroyed your Glen album. Does this have anything to do with what happened yesterday?"

Paige blushed, hating looking weak and emotional in front of her sisters "Maybe"

Piper glared at her authoritatively.

"Okay, yeah, it does. But I don't see what it matters now. I'm fine"

"Paige you are so not fine. You can seriously talk to us. I don't know why you won't" Phoebe jumped in "You aren't the first one of us to go though a bad break-up you know"

Paige couldn't stop her eyes from filling up with tears. Piper immediately pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back comfortingly.

"It's okay Paige, shhh. Just please talk to us" she softly told her baby sister

Paige shook her head "There's nothing to say. Glen was my best friend and the love of my life and now he's gone and married some blonde bimbo and left me all alone"

"You're not alone baby, you have us" Phoebe said, putting an arm around her

"I wish I could believe that" Paige sniffled "But you guys have your own lives and I'm far from the center of them. It's okay, I know where I stand with you two. You don't have to pretend like this"

The words broke both of the older sisters' hearts.

"How could you even think that Paige?" Piper cried "I know you loved Glen, and I hate him for hurting you like this. I want to strangle him for causing you so much pain. You are so important to me that I can't stand to see you like this"

Paige was crying harder now. Her head hurt so badly and her emotions were running extremely high "Why don't you show it to me though? You guys are so mean to me. So so mean"

"We're sorry Paige. We get caught up in our lives and I guess sometimes we take our stress out on you. You understand, don't you?" Phoebe said

"Of course I have to understand! Because god forbid I ever told you how I really felt. Then you might get angry at me and treat me even worse. The only person that loves-loved me unconditionally and is alive is Glen. And now you two have taken that away from me too. I'm just going to have to pretend I'm fine or else you will disown me"

"Oh Paigey, that is the farthest thing from true. We love you no matter what. Maybe things with Glen just weren't meant to be. Deep down you know it isn't ours or magic's fault." Piper argued with her baby sister, who was becoming distraught again.

Paige, seeing just how little her sisters were understanding what she was saying, buried her head in her arms and sobbed to herself, though her sisters were still surrounding her, providing false comfort. She stayed this way until she ultimately passed out, unable to fight the toll her emotions were taking on her anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

A loud clap of thunder woke Paige from a restless sleep hours later. The youngest Halliwell, though she liked to distance herself from this identity, groggily took in the flashing blue time on her alarm clock: 2:44 AM.

She was annoyed at being awake, unnerved by the storm, and completely and totally left by herself, as she noticed the fact that neither of her sisters had chosen to stay with her.

She wished she didn't feel this way, but the realization tore her apart. Prue would have stayed with her, Prue would have known how to at least make her feel somewhat reassured. Her sisters had tried but they had ultimately failed, unable to pull Paige out of herself long enough to give her peace of mind.

Paige frowned deeply. She was uncomfortable, upset, and wished she had just kept away from her sisters. She was left feeling worse as a result of their sisterly gestures, like her whole life was being thrown at her and every single problem she faced was being forced down her throat at once. She didn't want to talk about Glen. She didn't want to be around Piper or Phoebe. She just wanted to be back with Prue.

Perching herself on the edge of her bed, she wondered how much it would take to get back there. To get back with Prue. Surely if she passed out, she'd be able to access her dreamworld again and Prue would no doubt come to her in her time of need. Although the picture her sisters painted of Prue was one of a stern, tough-love, kind of leader, Paige had been shown an entirely different side of her eldest sister. For whatever reason, Prue seemed unable to force her to do anything she didn't want to do. It wasn't something she minded, for once she felt like a real baby sister, someone to look after, care for, and love unconditionally, as opposed to the scapegoat role she had been assigned by her living sisters.

She wished she weren't doing this right now. She wished there was someone around to stop her. She was so lonely, so devastated by the course her life had taken that she had no power over the urge sweeping through her body.

Paige cautiously opened the door to her room with a little squeak, and padded carefully down the stairs in her socked feet. The manor was chilly and scary at such a late hour. She had to fight to keep the thoughts of demons out of her head and of the terrifying weather that threatened outside made her more on edge than usual.

She crept meaningfully into the kitchen, fighting thoughts of both desperation and humiliation of being at such a low point. She made her way over to an old desk that stood in one corner. It had a trick drawer that she knew her sisters used to hide things in. They were really hiding them from her, since they thought she didn't know how to get inside.

She was far from stupid though, and had caught her sisters out of the corner of her eye opening it more than once. Ever since learning of her less than flattering past as an alcoholic, Piper and Phoebe had started to stash their liquor in there. They had of course pretended to go alcohol free at home in honor of their new-found sister, but Paige knew better. They would never actually make such a big sacrifice for her, just pretend to. She knew how they operated.

She knocked on top of the desk two times and then hit the side of it with her knee. Much to her delight, the drawer popped open.

"Jackpot" She said softly, smiling to herself as she pulled the vodka out of its hiding place.

She went over to the kitchen island and hopped up so that she was seated on top of it with her feet dangling over the side. She cradled the bottle like it was her child, so precious. She was tingling with excitement and she was having an adrenaline rush from knowing just how much trouble she could get into for doing this. For one, she had an addiction problem. Two, she was technically stealing from her sisters, and three, well fuck three. She had her mind set on doing this and nobody was going to stop her, not even herself.

She brought the cool glass rim to her lips and took a long slow, sip, loving the burning sensation in her throat and happily resting with the fact that if she did this right, she would be back with Prue soon.

She remained blissfully alone and peacefully continuing her downward slide into drunkenness as she drank more and more. She had missed the freeing feeling.

"Paige?"

Paige was startled by the sound of Piper's voice wafting into the kitchen. She panicked, and did not have time to hide what she was doing before Piper's robed figure appeared in the doorway.

"Oh no. Please tell me you aren't drinking right now"

Paige was silent. She couldn't pretend to be thinking straight.

Piper approached her angrily and snatched the vodka away from her pouring the rest of it down the sink.

Paige whimpered. Now how was she supposed to finish what she started?

"Don't give me any of that Paige" Piper snapped with a glare that would have made even the toughest demon feel intimidated " I knew you couldn't be trusted left alone. I shouldn't have listened to Phoebe. You've always been immature Paige, but I just let it go because you have issues. Honestly though, I did not ask for this. I did not ask to be dealing with a grown woman who acts like a misbehaved teenager" she finished, smashing the bottle as she threw it into the garbage can.

Paige was crying now. She may have been a little drunk, but she still got the full impact of what Piper was saying to her.

"Stop! Would you stop it already!" Piper practically yelled coming over to Paige and grabbing her trembling shoulders "I cannot keep watch over you every second and it is honestly getting pretty boring cleaning up your messes"

Paige didn't stop. Her lip wobbling and face wet she looked at Piper with big, scared eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry" she sputtered " I didn't mean to disappoint you. I just wanted to go back to Prue"

At first Piper was furious at Paige for bringing up her oldest sister at a time like this, but as she realized what Paige was saying she reevaluated the situation

"What do you mean go back to Prue?" she asked her sister quietly but in a way that was biting

"When I was in a coma Prue was there. She was so nice to me. She loves me. She treats me much nicer than you or Phoebe ever do. I just want to be back with her and away from you guys and Glen" Paige sniffled

Piper was again slightly taken aback by Paige's dig at the way she and Phoebe treated her. Remembering her actions from the minutes before, she couldn't really blame Paige. She once again kicked herself for being too hard on her baby sister who was just as fragile as she looked at this moment.

"Paige sweetie" Piper said, gently guiding Paige off of the countertop with an arm around her back. "It was probably just a very nice dream sweetie. And if Prue was going to visit I don't think-"

"What Piper?" Paige snapped "That she would want to spend time with me? That she would choose me over you guys? Well I don't know if that's how it went down but all I know is she was real. She was real Piper and you can't convince me otherwise"

Piper brought Paige into the living room and settled her down onto the couch, trying to comfort her as she continued to sob, insisting in between deep uneven breaths that Prue was indeed real and that she missed her.

Piper was overwhelmed. She had an alcoholic sister on her hands who she let get drunk and was now too upset to even rationalize with. Piper didn't know what she was supposed to do with Paige at this point.

"She's right you know"

Piper turned at the voice of her eldest sister, who materialized in a swarm of white lights, right in the living room, as if she had never left.

"Prue" Piper intoned breathlessly. She had never thought she would get to address her big sister again.

"Hi Piper" Prue smiled, though she truly wasn't happy with her younger sister right now. She had been watching, and was annoyed that Paige's declarations about Piper and Phoebe's poor attitudes towards her were pretty much proven right.

Paige noticed Prue immediately and jumped up from the couch leaving Piper stunned. She threw herself into her eldest sister's arms and began to cry even harder.

"I missed you so much. Why did you leave me?" Paige cried. At this point, the youngest Halliwell was pretty much gone and Prue knew it.

Prue hugged Paige tightly and kissed her on the head, gestures of affection that she knew Paige found lacking as far as their other sisters were concerned.

"C'mon Piper. We better get her to bed." Prue instructed as she usually did.

The two eldest led Paige up to her room, amidst her senseless rants about Glen being a bastard, Phoebe hating her, and Piper wishing she were dead. Well, they actually weren't so senseless, Prue acknowledged as she tucked her baby sister under her covers. Piper was trying to make herself believe otherwise though.

They both hovered over Paige until she fell asleep again, under the gentle touch of Prue's hand smoothing her hair back. Though unspoken, there was a barrier forming between Prue, who was annoyed at Piper for not doing more to protect Paige, and Piper who was angry at Prue for stepping in as she was about to do her job of being Paige's eldest sister.

**Hey guys. I was sort of in a rush to update so I'm sorry if the chapters aren't that great. I'm going to be gone for pretty much the entire summer, so I probably won't be able to update. Sorry!! See you when I get back :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey all! I am updating in honor of my 8th anniversary at FF. See my profile for a longer explanation! Enjoy!**

Prue looked up from her seat on Paige's bed and tried to smile at Piper, who had begun pacing nervously near the doorway. Prue couldn't help but feel a little bad that, thanks to Paige, the reunion she knew Piper had been waiting for had been less than stellar, even though if it wasn't for Paige, the Elders would have never let her come back in the first place. She was still annoyed with Piper of course, having seen how much the youngest was hurting, but that couldn't fully erase the overwhelming comfort she felt in knowing she was back with her best friend. Anyway, if they were going to help Paige, they needed to get along, so Prue could show Piper how to be the big sister Paige longed for.

Piper caught Prue's smile and gave a weak one in return. She couldn't help feel like a little girl who had done a bad job babysitting and now had to answer to her mother when she got home. She felt pretty disappointed in herself, knowing she must have done a pretty shitty job as eldest sister for them to send Prue down. Not that she wasn't happy to see her older sister, but she just couldn't seem to help the angry feeling that she had been trying to suppress as they put Paige to bed.

Piper watched as Prue leaned over to see if Paige was still sleeping. Satisfied, the oldest gently brushed the youngest's messy, red hair away from her eyes and planted a sweet kiss on her pale temple, and then moved to get up.

Piper looked on, irritated by the small, loving gesture with which she could not compete. It just didn't seem fair that she had to work for months to get Paige to even open up the slightest bit, while Prue could just walk in and have her in insta-baby sister mode, without even really trying.

"I think we should go downstairs to talk," Prue said, quietly rising from the bed, cautious not to disturb Paige who was now mumbling in her sleep. She didn't miss the look of disdain on Piper's face, which surprised her. Certainly Piper couldn't be mad at Paige when she was just sleeping.

Piper nodded and for the first time since Prue's arrival, made careful eye contact with her big sister, waiting.

Prue walked up to Piper and pulled her into a warm hug, which Piper sank into, her body finding where it had always belonged in the embrace. At that moment, Piper felt the emotional weight of the past year and a half thrown back at her full force, and she let out a strangled sob, her anger dissolving with her tears.

"Oh Prue" she said into her sister's dark hair, which smelled like it always did, like home. "I need my big sister."

Prue pulled Piper away from her and wiped the tears carefully from her sister's face, showing her own watery crystal eyes, whose vivid blue Piper had almost forgotten.

"I'm here now," she assured her little sister, "Everything is going to be alright."

Prue took Piper's hand and led her into the hall, shutting Paige's door carefully, hoping she wouldn't wake up, so they could have a discussion about what to do with her. The two were headed for the stairs when a half-asleep Phoebe emerged from her room, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"Piper? Paige? What is going on? Demon?," she grumbled, irritated in her drowsy state.

"Phoebe, open your eyes" Piper said, "Paige is asleep."

"What? She's standing right there, isn't she? I don't have my glasses" she half-whined coming closer. As she approached, she quickly recognized her lapse in judgment.

"Am I awake?" she cried, shaking hands flying to her mouth in shock. "Is this-are-you- real?"

"It's me, baby," Prue said with a smile and opened her arms, into which Phoebe flung herself, "I'm here to help you guys help Paige."

Phoebe too was now crying and Prue rubbed her back and kissed her head.

"I really hope I'm not dreaming."

"I promise Phoebe, she's real this time," Piper assured her little sister, "She's back."

Prue winced a little at Piper's phrasing. She wasn't _back_ so much as _temporarily visiting._ She didn't want to worry about it now, but she knew when her sisters found out this wasn't a permanent arrangement there would be hysterics. She decided to keep that information to herself for the moment.

"I really missed you guys," Prue murmured, pulling Piper into the hug too. "I'm really happy to see you, despite the shitty circumstances of it. Which, by the way, we should probably get to talking about before Paige wakes up again. Phoebe, why don't you go wash your face and put your glasses on. Then meet us downstairs when you're ready."

Phoebe grinned at her oldest sister, feeling incredibly secure with Prue and her take-charge attitude back in the manor. "I never thought I would say this, but I missed your bossiness," she quipped, walking back to her room laughing.

Piper laughed as well and Prue rolled her eyes at her little sisters. Some things would never change, and it was amazing.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Several minutes later, the sisters sat in their living room, drinking tea, which Piper had quickly brewed to ease their nerves. Prue sat in her favorite armchair with Phoebe, who didn't quite fit but was happy to curl up against her big sister's side and rest her head on her chest like she used to when they were little. Piper sat next to them on the couch, calmed by her family being whole again. It was almost enough to overshadow the turmoil they were going through with Paige, which Piper would have loved to forget, though it seemed to be the center of Prue's attention.

"I guess you guys are probably wondering how I got mixed up in this whole thing in the first place," Prue said. "I kind of don't fully get it myself, but I guess the Cliffnotes version is that when Paige went into her coma, she was on another plane where I could visit her. We talked, and I was supposed to get her to feel like she could trust you guys and lean on you, but it didn't exactly work out."

"Didn't exactly work out?" Piper repeated with a snort "That is the understatement of the century. She came back worse than she left."

Prue glared at Piper, a little hurt. "I mean, its not like I didn't try. I don't think I realized when I decided to meet her just how bad her issues were. This whole way she is acting is a little bit about Glen, but a lot a bit about her past and her current place in this family."

"You _decided_ to meet her?" Phoebe asked, "I thought you weren't allowed to come visit us? If you could, why didn't you come to me or Piper?"

Prue tensed a bit. It was as if Piper and Phoebe didn't understand that Paige has a fair claim to her as a sister too. She was starting to subtly see just what Paige, being excruciatingly perceptive given her whitelighter side, had been talking about.

"Well, it wasn't like I was choosing between her and you guys. It was a weird situation, I suppose. It was almost as if Paige was wishing for me so hard that I came true. She had apparently been dreaming about me for ages and I felt her tugging me towards her. I started to watch her during the day to try to get to know her, but it was killing me that I couldn't meet her. So, when the opportunity presented itself, I went for it."

Piper grimaced a little, and Phoebe's face contorted too in confusion.

"But we dream about you all the time," Piper started, "And you never came to us."

"I wished for you everyday," Phoebe frowned.

Prue shook her head, growing aggravated. Her sisters were completely missing the point.

"Look guys, I know you missed me and thought you needed me, but you didn't, really. Think about how hard it was to accept Paige into the fold with me gone and unable to come back, and think about how much worse it would have been had you been able to bring me down every time you wanted to. Paige would still probably be living by herself somewhere or she'd be practically invisible. She has had to fight hard enough to join this family as it is. I know it might be hard to believe, but Paige needed me more than either of you, if that helps you imagine how lost she felt."

Piper rubbed her head, feeling a migraine coming on. This was a lot to process and wasn't exactly how she pictured things would go once Prue came back, but she tried to take it into stride and not shut down. She didn't like what Prue was saying, and she could tell Phoebe felt the same. They hadn't been _that_ awful as big sisters, had they?

"You got Paige to talk about her feelings?" Phoebe responded, in slight shock "She has this huge wall up anytime I try to talk to her and it's the same for Piper. Its like she is afraid of us."

"Well," Prue began, getting down to the hard stuff, "She is, in a way. This whole Glen thing has put Paige in a really bad place, because she feels totally abandoned by him. She has major problems with people leaving her, because not only was she given up for adoption, but then her parents died, leaving her on her own. Then, when she first met you guys, you really pushed her away, which messed her up pretty badly for awhile. You guys really couldn't know, because you were dealing with your own stuff when I died, but I think this Glen thing just brought back a lot of bad feelings, especially since you guys haven't really tried to talk to her about it. He was the last piece of her childhood that she had, and she must be terrified that it's only a matter of time before you guys go too. I know it seems like she wouldn't want to discuss it, but that's because she is afraid of showing you guys how she really feels. She is extremely overprotective of herself, so it takes a lot to get through that."

"How did you figure this all out?" Piper sighed, frustrated again that Prue just seemed able to walk in and understand Paige in a way she had struggled to over the past few months "I love her, but in all honesty it took her three months to tell me that she takes sugar in her coffee. The girl is a closed book."

"I mean, it wasn't easy. She tried to push me away when I got too close, but there wasn't much she could do since we were trapped together. I also had a bit more access to her thoughts on that plane, so it made it easier to see how her mind was working and to stop her bad thoughts before she made them true for herself."

Phoebe, taking this all in, had an idea "Well, if she won't talk to us on her own, should we cast a truth spell or something to make her more open? I just don't understand how her mind works, but in order to be the sister she needs, I have to try."

Prue smiled at Phoebe "Spoken like a true big sister. I was thinking about the truth spell, but I don't think it's exactly what we need. We really need something to make her more open with her feelings and needs."

"There is a potion I saw in the book," Piper remembered, "to get somebody to fully feel their emotions. We could probably tweak it to get Paige to fully share them as well."

"That actually might work Piper," Phoebe clapped, excited to have a plan "We should do it right away. Paige needs us but we can't be there for her without a little help to break down her barriers. I want to make progress before she works herself up even more."

"Yes, we should probably do it first thing tomorrow. I don't want there to be any more arguments," Prue stated, looking at Piper and letting her know subtly that what happened earlier that day wasn't going to fly anymore.

Piper hung her head a little but said, "You're right. When Paige gets emotional, she makes me react in a way that isn't myself. She works me up so easily, but hopefully this potion will help us all communicate better. I want to take care of my baby sister."

With all three in agreement, they headed to the kitchen to start the potion.

xxxxxxxxxxx

By the time the girls were finished, it was almost morning. Phoebe, growing crankier by the minute, had been sent up to bed before her sisters. Before Piper and Prue turned in for the night, well what was left of it, they stopped by Paige's room to check on her.

Paige was tossing and turning uncomfortably in her sleep, whimpering every so often. Clearly, even in her sleep she couldn't escape the events that were plaguing her during the day. Prue sat beside her, concerned, stroking her hair and shushing her until she quieted down. Piper was amazed, as she had always been worried that such affection would be refused by Paige, who she was always certain would wake up if disturbed in the night. How many opportunities like this has she missed?

Prue touched Paige's face lightly with the back of her hand. "Hmmm, she feels a little warm. I guess it could be the alcohol, but it could also be from being outside in the rain. I hope she isn't getting sick."

Piper nodded, touched at Prue's concern, but also feeling guilty. Whether Paige was sick or just drunk, both reflected some failure on her part as the oldest.

"I'll stay with her," Prue offered, lying down further onto the bed "It's okay, you can go to sleep Piper."

Piper shook her head though "I want to stay with her Prue. Please let me. I want to try what you're doing and see if it helps."

Prue nodded in understanding, but still a little sad to miss the opportunity to hold Paige as she had in their dream world. She knew it was important for Piper to try though, so she kissed both goodnight and went off to spend the night with Phoebe.

Piper crawled into Paige's bed and wrapped her arms around her baby sister gently. _I never realized how adorable she is when she's sleeping_, Piper noted, feeling a new love blossom already for Paige. _I have to try harder to be there for her_.

"I'm never going to leave you baby," Piper softly promised Paige's sleeping form, "I'm staying right here."

And, with that, the once-oldest fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you to those who reviewed or followed. The feedback is very helpful so keep it coming :)**

Paige woke up with a horrible headache, feeling unpleasantly stifled and hot. She opened her eyes, not quite sure what to expect, and was surprised to find Piper lying down next to her in her bed.

"What the fuck," Paige mumbled to herself, grabbing her head. Her whole body groaned as she moved quietly out of bed, not to disturb her sister. She couldn't quite remember why her sister would be with her in her room, especially given her pregnant belly which made Paige knew made her uncomfortable each night, unless she slept with pillows on all sides.

As she stood up, she felt a rush to her head and a slight wave of nausea passed over her. Analyzing the foul taste in her mouth and her extreme thirst, Paige realized she was hungover.

Stumbling carefully to the bathroom, she brushed her teeth and tried to sort out the previous night's events in her head. She remembered breaking into her sisters' liquor stash, which made her incredibly disappointed in herself. This was twice in recent history that she had drank, making her feel certain she was back on an alcoholic spiral downward. She couldn't help but blush, thinking how terrible it would be if her sisters had to help take care of her through it. They would probably leave her if it got much worse and they found out, so Paige would either have to be more careful or quit while she was ahead.

As Paige started the shower and began to wash herself off in the steamy water that relieved her pulsating headache, she tried to retrieve some more memories from the night before. She fuzzily recalled her drinking had to do with trying to see Prue again, and for some reason, she felt like she had. Not in the dream world she had created, but right there in the manor.

Paige shook her head slightly, as she rinsed her shampoo out of her red curls, trying to straighten her brain out. That just wasn't possible.

_I must have been hallucinating_, Paige thought. _This is bad, this is really bad_.

She bit her lip to stop herself from crying. She felt like she was slowly losing her grip on reality. Everything was falling apart, so it seemed. She had the same sense of dread come over her that was familiar from when her parents died or when Barbas showed up. A deep sinking depression was settling in nicely at the pit of her stomach. Still, she wasn't going to risk running into Piper with puffy red eyes after everything she clearly put her sister through last night. In fact, it was probably best if she laid low for a while and separated herself from her sisters a bit. It hurt her to think about, but she had to protect herself.

Paige pulled herself together enough to finish showering, though she vomited right after from the dizziness that bending to step out of the tub caused her. She suspected that her health was fragile and that she needed help, but had no idea who to turn to, especially since she had also lost Glen.

Wiping her mouth as she lifted her head from the toilet, Paige decided to just try to get out of the house for a bit. She needed to sort her thoughts out on her own.

Piper was still asleep in her bed when she returned, so Paige quietly got dressed, pulling on a pair of old jeans and a faded Beatles t-shirt that she must have had since high school. She felt comforted by the familiar outfit, reminded of her life when she was happy before she got herself into the mess she found herself in now.

Paige paused before leaving the room, struck by her older sister's beauty, even when she was sleeping. Taking in the way Piper's chestnut hair fanned over the pillows and the way she protectively laid a hand on her belly, Paige knew Piper was going to be a great mom. Her big sister had so much love in her heart. Paige just regretted that she, for whatever reason, had never really been given much of it. She admired her big sister so much. She had tried to change for her, but it just hadn't been enough.

Paige padded out to the stairs, realizing she forgot shoes but hoping there would be a pair of flip flops by the door that she could take, her disorganization coming in handy for once. The horrible weather of the day before had turned into a mild, sunny spring day. It would be good for Paige to get out of the house.

As she descended the creaky staircase that was worn from decades of use, Paige ran her hand along the smooth wooden banister, partially wishing she had grown up here and that all of this had been hers. She was envious of her sisters who never had to grow up lonely or feel unwanted. Even though she knew her adoptive parents loved her, once she found out where she came from, she couldn't help but question the strength of their non-genetic bond. She worried constantly that if she did the wrong thing, she'd be kicked to the curb, so she tested her parents all through her teenage years. She wondered how she would have been if she had been raised in the manor.

Paige tried to picture herself as a child, the youngest of four brunette girls, who were as close as sisters came, instead of an adopted only child. She had a sense that she would have still been a clever little troublemaker, but it was hard to envision herself as the adored baby of the group. She tried to imagine being held by Prue's strong arms after a nightmare, Piper's cool hands rubbing her back when she was sick, and Phoebe's small hand taking hers as they walked on the school bus together…life as a Halliwell instead of as a Matthews.

Lost in her daydream, which simultaneously put a smile on her face and upset her deeply, Paige failed to notice the aroma of coffee that filled the manor. This should have stuck out as peculiar to Paige, as Piper, as far as she knew, was always the one to start the coffeemaker, even if Phoebe rose before her, which happened rarely. However, she walked past the kitchen without even a second glance, intent on making it to the door without further interruption.

Prue heard footsteps down the stairs, unsure of which sister would be up first, but expecting Piper. As it was in the old days, she was the first one up and brewed the coffee for her younger sisters so they wouldn't have to. It also ensured that she got caffeinated coffee, because sometimes Piper or Phoebe would to mess her up and go decaf.

Prue put down the magazine she was reading as she drank her first cup of coffee for the day, enjoying catching up on the events she had missed in the news since her death, and walked purposefully into the foyer. She was surprised to see her youngest sister fumbling with her car keys on the hook by the door, dressed to leave for the day.

"Going somewhere little one?," Prue asked with an eyebrow raise, causing Paige to orb out and back in again in surprise and drop her keys.

"Woops, didn't mean to startle you. Are you alright?"

Paige looked at Prue with wide, panicked eyes. Prue did not understand why her little sister was reacting this way, unless she didn't recall the previous night's events.

"I think I'm going crazy." Paige moaned, heading back into the living room to sit in a chair with her head in her hands, ignoring Prue's question.

Prue went over to her little sister and crouched down to her level. Taking her face in her hands, Prue looked at her curiously. "Do you not remember what happened last night, Paige?"

Paige shook her head. "I think I'm hallucinating. Or I thought I was hallucinating. You feel real, like before."

Prue nodded. "I am real sweetie. I think you had a little too much to drink last night if you don't even remember seeing me,"

That statement snapped Paige out of her stupor. She was so ashamed that she had let herself go so far that she needed her sisters to take care of her yet again, which was clearly what had happened.

"Oh my god, you must hate me," Paige stated sadly, as the nights events came flooding back to her in full. "I'm sorry that you had to see me like that but I think I am okay now so I understand if you want to get back to whatever you were doing before I came in and complicated things in your life, well afterlife."

Prue frowned, seeing how Paige was clearly pushing her away. "Paige, I'm the same Prue you met before. I love you. I don't think needing my help classifies as you burdening me."

Paige nodded a little, but was apparently unconvinced. Prue was thankful she and her sisters had a plan in order to fix Paige up, who was clearly making herself worse by the day through the horrible thoughts she allowed to control her mind.

"Let's go get some breakfast, okay? You need to eat something after last night," Prue said purposefully taking charge.

Paige let Prue take her hand and guide her back into the kitchen. None of this made any sense but at least for a minute, with Prue by her side, she felt just a little bit safer in the world that, lately, seemed out to get her.

Paige sat down at the table, and put her chin on her hands, watching Prue intently as she prepared Paige's coffee, putting in just the right amount of cream and a little bit of sugar before handing it to her.

"How do you do it?" Paige mumbled under her breath, taking the coffee from her older sister gratefully.

"What do you mean?" Prue said, smiling at Paige who looked impossibly young with the pout that appeared on her face. With no makeup on and hair flying freely around her face, she could have been a child.

"You're perfect," Paige groaned. "I'll never-," she started but quickly shut up, realizing what she was about to say.

Prue raised her eyebrow, knowingly, giving Paige a surprised look. "I'm hardly perfect sweetheart. It's only coffee."

Paige nodded, though on the inside, she realized why she would never live up to her sister's expectations. Prue's presence was intoxicating. She was beautiful, smart, and knew just how to take care of each of her sisters. Paige felt like the ugly duckling to her swan.

"Wait until you taste my cooking," Prue continued with a wink. "Then we'll see how perfect you think I am. What would you like?"

"Well, when you put it that way," Paige joked, earning a little swat on her head by Prue, in mock annoyance. "Whatever's easiest for you will be fine. I'm easygoing."

Prue wanted to laugh. Paige had definitely been the opposite of easygoing lately, but she held it in, not wanting to offend Paige given her fragile state.

"Are you sure? What's your favorite?" Prue pressed, eager to learn as much as possible about Paige.

Paige just shrugged. "Whatever you want."

Prue rolled her eyes. "Okay," she said. "Pancakes then."

She gauged Paige's reaction and saw the girl smile a little. It was a lucky guess that the two of them would share the same favorite breakfast food. It concerned her though that her little sister was so closed about everything. She didn't seem to think that what she wanted was important at all, which was an issue. Prue could definitely sense a change in demeanor from their time spent together on the dream plane. It was a good thing they had the potion ready. It was just a matter of deciding when to give it to Paige and if it was worth giving her the choice to go through with it or not.

Prue went over to the counter and began mixing water with the pancake mix she found in the cupboard. She heated a little butter in the pan and poured some batter in, as Paige watched her, fascinated by her very existence so it seemed.

"So Paige," Prue said. "What, uh, influenced your little drinking party last night."

Paige blushed a deep red, embarrassed to have to discuss her behavior with her incredible big sister. "Oh, I think I was just a little sad about Glen and couldn't get to sleep. I thought it would help."

"Hmm," Prue sighed. "Because the last time you drank it worked out so well?"

Paige bit her lip in shame, wishing she could just disappear. She didn't want Prue to know her real intentions. It physically pained her to casually share her feelings with her sisters, because she knew she might get hurt. Even though Prue had unconditionally supported her when she was in her comatose state, it was difficult for Paige to line up that experience with the reality she was currently experiencing. She guessed it was the same Prue, but she didn't feel the same here as she did on that quiet, pure island. There she felt open, free with her feelings. Here, she felt stifled by them.

"Spare me the lecture, Prue," she snapped defensively, trying to get Prue to leave her alone. "I am twenty-three years old. I am allowed to drink if I want to."

Prue let out a breath, trying to hold herself back from telling Paige off for speaking to her so disrespectfully. She knew Paige was just trying to elicit a reaction from her so she would have an excuse to run away and avoid this whole thing. Again, Prue was thankful for the potion they had waiting. She couldn't wait for her sisters to get up so they could finally get Paige to allow her vulnerabilities to show.

"You are twenty-three, that's right. You are a big girl, but you are still my baby sister and I'm allowed to be disappointed with your decisions, especially since I know from watching you what your past relationship with alcohol was like," Prue stated firmly, but lovingly, flipping the last of the pancakes she had been cooking and placing them on a plate for herself and Paige.

Paige slid farther down into her chair, as if trying to disappear. Her strategy to get Prue to change the subject hadn't worked as easily as she had anticipated and now she felt once again like a little kid who broke the rules. It wasn't fun. "You don't know me at all," she mumbled in response, glancing towards the front door in a very telling manner.

"You're not going anywhere, little one," Prue noted, surprising Paige with her attentiveness and her use of what was quickly becoming a new pet name.

"Breakfast is served," she announced, bringing the slightly burnt but fluffy pancakes to the table, setting a plate before Paige and herself. Kissing Paige on the head to show her that she still loved her despite everything, she added "See, its just like before in your dream world. I missed you."

Prue had wanted to see if this helped remind Paige of their time together and just exactly how well Prue did know Paige, having seen the inner workings of her mind. It was why she was here after all. To help Piper and Phoebe see the emotional depths and workings that she had experienced firsthand.

It seemed to work, as Paige looked up from her pancakes and gave Prue a small smile. "I missed you too. Sorry I snapped at you."

Prue nodded sympathetically. "I know. It's alright," she said giving the youngest's hand a little squeeze. "Now eat. Sorry they are a little well-done"

Paige laughed. "I like them this way. Thank you."

Prue smiled. A fight diverted felt like a huge success given the circumstances Piper and Phoebe had described.

"Should I call the fire department?" Piper's cheerful voice filtered in the room, "It smells like burning in here. Oh, its just you cooking, Prue, I should have figured."

Piper was elated that morning because it felt as if all her dreams were coming true. Prue came back to her and now everything just felt balanced. It was comforting to wake up and feel the house alive again, and not to be the first one up. Piper went over to Prue and hugged her, as Paige looked on with envy, irritated that her time with Prue had been interrupted by one of her other sisters.

Piper caught the nasty look in Paige's eye, realizing for the first time exactly how much anger and resentment Paige probably had inside. It was going to be a long day once they got that potion in her.

Trying to buffer the situation, Piper went over and kissed Paige lovingly on the cheek, smoothing her hair gently. "Hi honey. Where'd you go this morning?"

Paige shrugged, thinking Piper's show of affection was just for Prue's benefit. "I had to vomit," she said bluntly, causing Piper to gasp a little and Prue to shake her head. Paige enjoyed their reactions, and went back to eating casually.

"You vomited Paige? Why didn't you say something?" Piper demanded, concerned for her little sister.

Paige ignored Piper and went back to eating, as Prue and Piper exchanged a glance. They just needed Phoebe to get up so they could get this day to turn around fast. Judging by Paige's attitude so far, it was looking like they were going to have to slip her the potion without her knowledge, or else she would never go for it.

"Paige," Prue warned, unable to help herself and seeing exactly how Piper got to the screaming point she did the day before with her baby sister. Paige had an extreme dose of Halliwell stubbornness that was grossly mismanaged by the young girl.

Phoebe chose that moment to walk down the stairs in a state of drowsy cuteness, throwing herself into Prue's arms for a long hug. "I heard your voice and I woke up so happy, knowing you'd be here."

"I'm happy to see you too, baby." Prue answered, giving Phoebe a good squeeze.

Paige couldn't help the twinge of jealousy that hit her, which made her so mad at herself. It just didn't seem fair that she didn't get to be a part of this sisterly love. She felt so decidedly outside of it, that she was about to cry. This, combined with her irritation at understanding that she had missed something important last night, given the fact that neither Piper or Phoebe were surprised to see Prue, was a volatile combination. Paige knew it was time to go.

"I have to go throw up again," she said quickly, voice slightly tearful, as she bounded up the stairs and locked herself in her bedroom.

Finally, alone, she could breathe, and try to calm herself down. She was too upset though, which combined with her nausea from her hangover, caused her to puke out the pancakes Prue had made her. It seemed fitting in a way. Her body rejected being cared for.

She climbed into her bed and took Slappy, her clown doll, into her hands, cuddling him close as she was apt to do when in need of comfort. She felt stupid, but she didn't know any other way to deal with the emotions facing her, other than throwing things or running away.

Paige knew it was only a matter of time before her sisters came up to get her and try to talk. She decided she better ready herself for what was sure to be one hell of a day, now with three older sisters trying to "help."

Maybe, just maybe, it would work though.


End file.
